CULTURE
It’s strange that only left feet are considered ‘cultured’ in a football sense. Think of Tommy Burns and Jim Baxter, for examples. I don’t recall anybody being famous for having “a cultured right foot”, but I’m ready to be corrected.
Despite Jim Baxter, Celtic might be described as having the more ‘cultured’ fans: Rangers’ supporters, on the other hand, consider themselves cultured if they had yoghurt for breakfast.
Think of the many actors, comedians, artists and poets who are Celtic followers; and, while thinking of poetry, have a look at these poems with a Celtic theme, (and I assure you the effort to decipher the four Tom Leonard ones is worthwhile).
cuts iny thi box
croass cumzthi centre hoff
a right big animull
crack
doon goes Dalgleesh
ref waves play on
nay penahlti
so McNeill complainzty im
oot cumzthi book
tipicl
wan mair upfurthi luj (TL)
up cumzthi wee man
beats three men
slingzowra cracker
an Lennox
aw yi wahntia seenim
coolizza queue cumber
bump
rightnthi riggin
poastij stamp
a rockit
that wuzzit
that wuzthi end
finisht (TL)
yonwuz sum night
thi Leeds gemmit Hamdin
a hunnirn thurty four thousand
aw singin
yilnivir wok alone
wee burdnma work then
nutsnur a wuz
but she wuzny intristid
yi no thi wey
well there wuzza stonnin
ana wuz thaht happy
ana wuz thaht fed up
hoffa mi wuz greetnaboot Celtic
anhoffa mi wuz greetnaboot hur
big wain thata wuz
a kin laffatit noo (TL)
THE GOOD THIEF
heh jimmy
yawright ih
stull wayiz urryi
ih
heh jimmy
ma right insane yirra pape
ma right insane yirwanny us jimmy
see it nyir eyes
wanny uz
heh
heh jimmy
lookslik wirgonny miss thi gemm
gonny miss thi GEMM jimmy
nearly three a cloke thinoo
dork init
good jobe they’ve gote the lights (TL)
THERE WAS THAT TIME CHARLIE TULLY
there was that time Charlie tully
took a corner kick
an’ you know how he
was always great at getti thaem
tae curve in, well Charlie takes the corner
and it curved in and fuck me did the wind
no cerry it right intae the net, but they
disputed it, and the linesman hud the
flag up and they goat away wae it and tully
hud tae take it again, an’ fuck me does he no get
it in the net again. you should’ve
seen it. it just seemed tae go roon
in a kind o’ hauf curcle. above aw their
heids. fuckin’ keeper didnae know where tae look… (Tom McGrath)
TEN JERSEYS, GREEN-AND-WHITE
A rainbow, arched across the sky
With many a colour bright
Imparts in the artistic eye
A thrill of pure delight.
The gifted artist with his brush
Can make the picture speak
Depicting rosy tints that flush
On some fair sitter’s cheek.
Italian skies, we are told,
Can boast a vivid blue;
A sunset in a blaze of gold
Has its admirers too.
But, to my partial Celtic eyes,
There’s no more lovely sight:
A sunny day at the Paradise,
Ten jerseys green-and-white. (Anon.)
Tom Campbell, Celtic author and columnist for The Celtic Star
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