Fuzzy logic from Steven Gerrard, Scottish FA and The Green Brigade

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Fuzzy logic is an approach to computing based on “degrees of truth” rather than the usual “true or false” (1 or 0) Boolean logic on which the modern computer is based. It seems Fuzzy Logic extends beyond computing and bang into the crazy world of Scottish football.

I woke up this morning. Packed up my car and drove the length of the Country. Checked in to my hotel and took advantage of the Pool and steam room and returned to my room about half an hour ago. It’s probably taken the grand total of 8 hours. In that time Scottish football went mad.

I keyed in the free Wi-Fi pass and logged in. Opened up the Celtic Star page and thought I’d be reading about the previous night’s win against St Mirren maybe a bit of historical Celts musings where I could disappear into some Hoops nostalgia, but no there’s not much room for the banality of the actual games when the immense idiocy of the periphery blows it all away. Where do you start?

First up there’s Steven Gerrard and his public utterings or should that be deluded mutterings on Ryan Kent and his assault on Scott Brown. How ‘Rangers’ ‘don’t think that it was violent conduct’ and they don’t think ‘it was in the face’.

This immediately made me think of Kevin Bridges old sketch on why attempted murderers get shorter sentences than actual murderers when the only thing that really separates them is they were crap at it!

So basically it was a shove rather than a punch and the fact seems to be (and the SFA have apparently now backed up this pomposity in their own hearing this afternoon) as Ryan Kent didn’t fully connect it doesn’t really count. Get tae … This is a joke right?

Gerrard talks of now having the benefit of hindsight he suddenly expects the World to accept his version of events that the SFA now appear to be reinforcing.

Kent’s fist is clenched his thumb is tucked in his reach if fully extended his face is fully concentrated on the job at hand. The only reason he doesn’t connect is Brown moves backwards in self-preservation to avoid contact. It’s a punch, it’s aimed at the face. The fact he doesn’t connect is surely immaterial it’s a full on assault attempt, it’s only the execution that’s lacking.

The Fuzzy logic isn’t finished there though not even close. Next comes the SFA deciding that on Sunday Scott Brown’s behaviour was ‘not acting in the best interests of Association football’ and Broony is charged accordingly. Now I’m checking the date on the laptop as April fool’s day seemed to be a recent thing and this nonsense can surely only be a wind up. Nope it’s for real and I’m feeling incredulity washing over me. If the SFA showed its true colours it was today. This is simply being done so as not every player charged wears blue colours in the hope they can deflect the inevitable singling out criticism likely to be emanating from Ibrox. Simply it’s placating.

The Celtic Star kindly points out in an earlier article on this issue that Brown to be guilty as charged would have had to act act in a manner “which is improper or use any one, or a combination of, violent Conduct, serious foul play, threatening, abusive, indecent or insulting words or behaviour”.

Thankfully Celtic have stated on Twitter they intend to defend this ‘vigorously’. I wouldn’t shell out much to a solicitor to defend this. It surely won’t need a Q.C on this occasion.

In fact just a wee visit to Glasgow University’s fresher intake for this year’s law degree would suffice. Just ask if anyone wants to forego a few shifts in the student Union bar in exchange for an easier few quid pointing out someone has been charged without it even meeting the threshold for the charge itself.

In fact we could just send in BBC’s Scottish Football’s analyst Michael Stewart into the hearing and he can just read aloud his own twitter comment when he heard the news.

‘Just when you think the disciplinary system can’t get any more ridiculous this season….Absolutely embarrassing.’

Plenty of Celts have had their say including John Hartson and Chris Sutton but seeing as Michael Stewart’s cannot have his impartiality questioned with no connection past or previous to Celtic I’d say his opinion would be difficult to discount.

I’d like to think common-sense would prevail but I won’t be holding my breath. Common-sense would have meant there would be no charge to defend in the first place.

The final piece of Fuzzy Logic then strikes just as I’m getting my head round the SFA and when an assault isn’t really and assault. Step Forward The Ultra’s.

The Green Brigade release a statement and rightly point out that the Pyros’ from last night have no place. Welcomed statement I’d say and there’s no evidence I’ve see that it even came from them anyway.

Except this is where the logic becomes fuzzy for me. Is it just me or do they seem to indicate that some Pyro’s are actually OK as long as they are not actually thrown on the park but controlled in the stands by who I assume is the Green Brigade itself.

Apparently they support the ‘sensible use of pyrotechnics’ not in the ‘direction of people’ and that otherwise its ‘counter-productive to any aspirations of normalising their use’ Whit?

Is this the whole ‘No Pyro no party’ stuff I keep hearing? Maybe I’m getting on a bit, out of touch but if it’s all the same to you any chance we could keep the explosives away from the game? In a confined space or on the park.

Most people wouldn’t want it normalised right?

In fact the language all sounds a bit 1984 to me. In some way indicating they’ll get in all our heads eventually and we’ll actually like it. If it’s all the same I’d like to take my wee lad to games and not have to be worried it won’t be the noise of the support perforating his eardrums.

Celtic have come out and made their feelings clear and they’re logic thankfully lacks the fuzziness.

Niall J


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