SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ CHEERS…
“Yeah, I’ve huge admiration for the Celtics. Pride of the city, along with the Bruins, and us Hibsox. Sorry? Whad’ya mean…Glasgow who? Hey, you’re cute…”
Sam Maloney, Hibsox manager.
A fine fight-back from @MotherwellFC saw them grab a point at Ibrox against @RangersFC, coming back from 2⃣ down to 2-2!#cinchPrem pic.twitter.com/Dvnkrpgn65
— SPFL (@spfl) February 27, 2022
ROXIE – 5.5/10 – Whew. Joining in with the general mince, Roxie goes for the heart attack stimulus late on,
in order to gee up the team. It only worked on us, as he decided to play on the razor’s edge in his own box and blew Star Lord’s mind. Sometime’s Joe, just launch it; we’ll not hold it against you.
GREGGS THE BAKER – 5.5/10 – He looked in the mood for a bake-off. To his credit he was still at it as time slipped away, scrapping for everything. Just cursed by the new Covid variant we’ve collectively picked up off the smellies a few weeks ago which turns your football ability to mush.
STAR LORD – 6/10 – “BACK HEEL! BACK HEEL! BACKHEELBACKHEEEELL! Heeeeeehahahahahahahahaaaa!!!” the yattering voice behind his ears screeched as he delivered the fancy early on an settled into a decent
contest of rough and tumble. Unusually more physical contact than he likes first-half, resulting in a ridiculous yellow, ironically meaning the end of Nisbet’s game; who instigated the clash in the first place. Thereafter Star Lord Shelby-ed his way through, one eye on tonight’s new series premiere, the other, thankfully, mostly on the ball.
GET CARTER – 5/10 – The big mhan needs warmed up like an articulated truck before an ice-road trip. Noon didn’t seem to suit him, and without sharpness he loses half a yard of pace and cant step up as much as he’s used to. But he remained secure enough.
JURAN JURAN – 6.5/10 MOTM – Our most lively, and most of the time our most likely to create something or score himself. Seemed the one man driven for the entire game, plenty of energy and attitude. Would have liked
to see him involved more – pushed further forward as we toiled, but that would have required a substitution and tactical tweak that never materialised.
CALMAC – 6/10 – Even the skipper couldn’t find his touch. After the midfield scrap of the opening period he took control of the middle for the majority of the second half. But despite his prompting and consistent shuttling, there was no fluidity around him to make it count.
ROGIC – 3/10 – Ach, Oz, whit? Since his return for Aussie duty, he’s fermented like old rhubarb wine in yer Grandpa’s garden shed; stinking out the place, moves like sludge, guaranteed to spin your head and make you want to forget the indulgence. No idea whether he needs a rest or a rocket; man-management moment required.
HAKUNA HATATE – 4/10 – I thought the tiny dancer was going to come onto a game as he began to collect on the edge of their box and pirouette with menace – but every ball was miscalculated and every choice erroneous. Fell on his arse in the final minute trying to collect wide and launch in one final assault. And that summed it all up.
ABADASS – 5/10 – Another nearly but not quite. Trademark weaving, late box arrivals, but always the split-second out. On another day he’d have scored two, missing our best chance early on to set up a comfortable win.
LORD KATSUMOTO – 5/10 – He’s all about endeavour. But definitely not touch. His movement outside the box is perpetual and useful; thankless task against two towering centres today. Inside the box, he’s predictable and was surprisingly ineffective given the number of possibilities offered in the second half. Fielding him down the middle, he can’t be asked to play with his back to goal – we need to slip him in early and have him running channels instead of dropping off and wasting his best attribute – the pace.
NOTEBOOK – 4/10 – We needed him today – the real Young Gun, and not another tribute act. But he only came alive when they tired and even then he was shooting like that infamous drunk cowboy, Wild Bill Notebook.
SUBS:
THE BUILDER – 5/10 – Difficult to find one that works on a Sunday, and he stuck to union rules, unable to offer much more than Oz after a few promising flourishes.
ANITA DOBSON – 5/10 – Ange’s big play – would the Thursday cop-out work. Eh, naw. He stood there, puzzled as the rest of us at the failure of this once-dynamic side to make passes stick or count. And as we waited on a reshuffle, a viable attempt to shake things up… So did he. Sucked into the malaise, it was bewildering to see him appear stumped; expectancy was a roasting, a triple-sub, a demand for more energy. Anything really. Mostly,
he just shrugged and shook his head. Hmm.
MIBBERY – 6/10 – Clancy hasn’t got a clue Drew excelled himself first half by flashing a couple of Celtic yellows for middling incidents then compounded the mibbery with his finest dunt of the season to date – blowing
for half-time as we set up for a corner, it’s transparent. Only surprise was he couldn’t, or wouldn’t,
follow follow that up with a second half burial of our hopes. Probalby too excited at the prosect of two dropped points to go all-in for the full house. Amazing the effect a tear-soaked letter from Ibrox to your two-first-name supervisor can have…
OVERALL – 4/10 – Well, it was the big one, the sticky wicket, the three points that would feel like six and
reveal the chink of light in the sky the Rangers prayed for was just another alien abduction. A cup final – one of eleven left to take the big prize and the avenue to bigger prizes. And we played as if it was an end-of-season
dead rubber. Verve, inventiveness, dynamism; erased from the Celtic matchday dictionary this sunny Sunday.
God knows the players’ incentive wasn’t what they’d worked all season for – the chance to stretch their lead, ramp the pressure up in LaLaLand. Yet they were absent. To a man. It felt like turning up to a teenage first date with your high school crush, chinos pressed, tank top pristine, hair slick and side-parted to perfection, cool lines memorised and delivery practiced… And she’s sitting giggling on the quarterback’s knee.
Just saw the Sevco score that’s a wee Brucie Bonus HH pic.twitter.com/BPYQBT5XwL
— Celtic Gossip (@CelticGossip) February 27, 2022
I use that American movie analogy as it’s a more wholesome vision than the reality of barrelling down the shops because you heard filthy Senga from remedial class 4B was offering smelly fingers round the back for a poke of chips; only to find her smoking a fag within the glowering embrace of mad-mental Mickey who’d been expelled for
severing the tendons of Davy Mungo’s right hand in woodwork with a chisel whilst trying to recreate the Bishop the android/ Private Hudson combat knife high-speed-jabbing -between-fingers scene from ‘Aliens’.
Anyway… All that hope drained away in a dire 90 minutes of anti-Angeball that’s left us with more questions than answers, and only one point from the coveted three. Again, we’d better shake it off, shake ourselves up and treat Wednesday like we’re on a promise with Jennifer Lawrence. Or it will most certainly be blue balls.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Well done Liam Shaw…
Loan Watch 🚨
Liam Shaw was a second half substitute for Motherwell, coming on at half-time as they fought back to draw 2-2 at Ibrox against Rangers
Boli Bolingoli will have to wait to make his debut, as he wasn’t in the FC UFA squad which takes on Akhmat Gronzy pic.twitter.com/AnwpOJQqR6
— Lewis Laird (@LewisLaird01) February 27, 2022
Giorgos definitely missed yesterday with the number of crosses crying out to be headed.
We seem to have a lucky manager.
Motherwell achieved an unbelievable result after 2 down.
Hail Hail.