SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v FHECKINGARGOS…
“There’s something happening here,
What it is ain’t exactly clear,
But there’s an Athphenian with a plan over there
And the Bears, they’d better beware…”Buffalo Springfield: Paradise Remix.
ROXIE – 7.5/10 – Comfortable first half as she corralled the defence against their rapid breaks and made a fine stop from a bludgeoned effort after young Monty sold the jerseys. Then class personified second period with a couple of show-stopping confidence-inspiring moments. Some signing. Girl’s on a mission.
FIELD MARSHALL – 6/10 – A difficult one for the kid, countering their most dangerous player. Handled him pretty well after looking in trouble early on. Always makes himself available and made a good burst to win the pen. Might not have been completely on his game, but still plays with the fearlessness of youth which is a big plus getting over nerves. Others have different methods…
STAR LORD – 7/10 – “It’s okay, it’s okay. You listening? They don’t want to hurt you, ya jangly walloper; They’ll take the flaming ball off you, yeah, but we got this today, right? Right!? Tell me I’m RIGHT!” And Star Lord nodded along to himself as Rocket the Invisible Racoon yattered in his ear, and he was becalmed…
Booked early by utter buffoon of a ref (where do they get these guys from?) and the worst was feared. But you cannot underestimate the influence of an invisible imaginary (or is he…) friend in the crucial moments of competitive anxiety in a big match in a packed stadium. And Star Lord began to play with, dare I say it, some swagger; popping adventurous passes, making clinical challenges without hesitation. Then the racoon got drunk and he reverted to type for the last 5 minutes, but Roxie was on her twinkling toes to bail him out.
His most accomplished game yet in the Hoops, however.
GET CARTER – 6.5/10 – Bouncer duty for the afternoon. Shook off any pesky forwards like a dug with fleas. Solid and mostly StarLord-struck as his defensive partner played like a boss, often stepping in front of Carter like a defensive mid.
TONY THE TIGER – 7/10 – ‘The ref don’t like you, Tony. Put a hit on that pitch.’ Or so Tony Soprano might have handled a ridiculous yellow. Our Tony just glowered at him, sneered at the dreadlocked simp who caused the fuss, and got on with it. Made the challenge of the game to deny them an equaliser with some fantastic timing and tracking.
Whatever he sometimes lacks in finesse, his dig and commitment balance out deficiencies. Many quieter players need a Tony like they needed a Broony – someone to make them feel brave; got their backs. Add to that his seemingly viking-esque desire to die in the Hoops for entry to Valhalla and you get a Bhoy amongst Bhoys who will never willingly let the side down.
CALMAC – 8/10 – Calmac the Magnificent. A masterclass in midfield control from our only properly-functioning midfielder today. Channels all the Celtic midfield greats of eras gone by. Sadly, that included The Maestro from 1994, whose agonising penalty shoot-out miss in the horror show final flashed across my mind as their keeper delayed celebrations with a decent save from the skipper’s pen. On that point, let me ask the dumbfeckery question – why, in huge matches, do you not appoint your most deadly finisher to take the penalties? Just a crazy whacked-out notion of mine…
Aside, Calmac was exemplary, carrying our cause calculated pass by calculated pass.
ROGIC – 4/10 – Ambling Oz ambled about, showing us only fleeting glimpses of Saturday’s match-winning boat-footed brilliance. A shame, because the way we had them sat in was made for his guile.
EDDIE TURNBULL – 6/10 – Another missile into the top corner… This time a deft flick of the knee after dummying the keeper with CR7 footwork. That’s the green-tinted version; in actuality, he freaked-out under the pressure of an open net then shut his eyes and threw himself at their keeper bawling like a loon only to see the ball ricochet off his baws and loop into the goal. Though, he can’t yet take 2 corners in a row without hitting their first defender and couldn’t get himself into telling positions to make an impact between their lines. And missed a real one-on-one late on. But, even the duff ones count, and he was there or thereabouts, mostly (They come at night, mostly…) to help us win.
It wasn’t pretty, but Celtic won’t care!
David Turnbull missed the easiest of finishes but scored with a slide tackle instead 😂#UEL pic.twitter.com/reOLrcHECe
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) October 19, 2021
ABADASS – 5/10 – More determined and focussed to make an impact than Saturday’s off-key effort. But he didn’t. Some intelligent early play fell by the wayside as he laboured to get any joy for the remainder of his time. Maybe the kid needs a rest to refresh.
Jota is a player Celtic were very excited about signing and I think we’re seeing why, in the last few games – his play is so fluid. Some ball to split the two defenders for Kyogo’s goal.
Good to see Mikey Johnston back playing and looking so lively too. #CELFER #UEL
— Anthony Joseph (@AnthonyRJoseph) October 19, 2021
Can’t stop watching this pic.twitter.com/DHJPXhH2xP
— Aidan (@AidanCeItic) October 19, 2021
NOTEBOOK – 8.5/10 MOTM – This Bhoy wants to be the next Ronaldo. So if any of you shiftless James Hunts from the boardroom are reading – and you flaming well should be if you want to learn anything about ‘soccer’ – then give Benfica 10 million bucks tomorrow (I’ll fly out on the first RyanAir to Lisbon for you myself with the briefcase of wonga) and let him do it here for the next three seasons before selling him on for 50 million.
The movement, industry, pace, coolness, vision, ability and culture he showed in that single fist-goal set-up beginning at almost his own bye-line does it for me; kid’s going to be the next Portuguese superstar winger. And also win Stars In Your Eyes tributing one of his Dads. You know the one.
Make him ours. He’s Your Mhan, Celtic.
MR.KOBAYASHI – 7.5/10 – Keyser Soze knows it. Dozens of unsolved murders around the globe know it. You know it, or should. Mr.Kobayashi is inevitable. And deadly. And tireless. And enthusiastic. And possessed of a beautiful touch and clinical finishing. The take and the strike; breathtaking class. Thank you, Ange.
Kyogo bags a big goal for Celtic!
A superb assist from Jota, a composed finish, and listen to that roar 🍀#UEL pic.twitter.com/PHZ8CX0DSo
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) October 19, 2021
SUBS:
SON OF JACKIE – 6/10 – Now this one’s looking more mobile and effective as his game-time increases. Might have notched his first with a header, almost brought the hoose doon with a Ralston-esque bicycle trick. What a foil for Koyogo he may be. What a mouthwatering striking partnership in the making…
MIKEY – 6/10 – Hey, Mikey’s had a haircut that propels him into the 90s! And the Indie scene got a revival as he appeared for some late thrilling romps around their box. Promising impact.
..OF JUSTICE – 6/10 – Another new Bhoy thrown in and another who looks like he knows how to swim in these deep waters. Also, somehow has stopped being ginger. Is it the same person who played in the Irish League?
BITTON – 6/10 – A cameo similar to Saturday – a welcome addition to a tired midfield where he can pad around and take the pressure off with his experienced footballing brain.
ANITA DOBSON – 8/10 – Ange’s getting Angeball off to a tee now. Like Saturday, and even at Sheepville to an extent, his favoured system is getting more respect and belief from his players who look comfortable and confident doing the Boss’s bidding. This was a bigger test of it that the past two away wins; a side with a fine coach who’d recently smashed us out of the Champions League, winning at Celtic Park in the process. Not today. Early tit-for-tat evolved into second-half dominance for Angeball and, with enhanced fitness, we pinned them in.
This is Ange’s Buffalo Springfield moment; Everybody look what’s going down…
OVERALL – 8/10 – A low-energy start, it seemed. But we were just slipping cautiously into gear. And most of the crowd, including visiting ‘dignitaries’, were busy solving Green Brigade conundrums with their complimentary Celtic Hospitality Funtime Activity stationery…
Once we got a hold in the middle, thanks to Calmac, then Angeball began to ping us to glory. Second-half belonged to the Hoops as, even with a couple of our most gifted languishing, others made the day count.
Great start and a beautiful ending.
An extraordinary day and a wonderful victory, which I wish to be a turning point for the return to great victories. Grateful for the warm hospitality at Paradise, in the loving home of our large Celtic family. #CelticFC 💚 #CELFER #UEL #COYBIG pic.twitter.com/f5xjEIHsEs— Ilir Meta (@ilirmetazyrtar) October 19, 2021
So recent domestic encouragement survived the euro-test arena and we come out more encouraged than ever that this Celtic squad can level-up back towards what we were in recent times and giv eus all the satisfaction of slapping those cheeky blue Monkeys back into their decrepit monkey-house before Hector arrives to auction it off.
Games like today, sweeping away the Hungarian champions with some flourish, only empowers the belief of a young squad, still relative strangers to each other but now getting all aboard the Skylark for some exciting times
ahead. And if you’re already clambering on board with us lunatics, then you’ll know it’s looking real good to be a Tim again. Roll, roll, roll, thrill our souls…
Alright.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Celtic Park, puro espectáculo. #LaCasaDelFútbol pic.twitter.com/E90vKevok6
— Fútbol en Movistar+ (@MovistarFutbol) October 19, 2021
