SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v KILLMENOW…
“There is no suspense in inevitability” – Damon Lindelof
😲 Kilmarnock shocked Celtic by netting a 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 equaliser to move up to fourth – the Hoops missing the chance to go three points clear at the top of the #cinchPrem ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/fkwyVajFGt
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) February 17, 2024
ROXIE – 7/10 MOTM – “Joe canae catch it or kick it, ffs…” Aye, but Joe can save the jerseys with two class reaction saves and also play the pass of the day for a late break which should have resulted in something more than the nothing burger we got. When berating this legend who kept us in the game ask yourself this – why, against the likes of Killie, has he got so much to do, ffs?
GREGGS THE BAKER – 5.5/10 – Welcome back. As other player went to Asian and African cups, Greggs spent the last few weeks filming for the Great British Bake-Off. Hopefully he wasn’t making Empire biscuits…We had a bit of a buzz about us for the opening half hour as he buzzed about; demonstrating his worth with the extra dimension to his game added over the past two seasons. No coincidence that we lost the midfield with his departure.
TONY THE TIGER – 5.5/10 – Always earns those stripes – great first half culminating in a peach of a ball for Kyogo to score. But unusually fell into the abyss with the rest as the game wore on and anxiety affected his focus.
OF JUSTICE – 3/10 – That casual flaw affected the Ginger Beckenbauer early on and by the time we were looking ropey he was getting rolled and outpaced as his defensive stability evaporated under pressure.
RAQUEL – 4/10 – Despite some decent footwork, questions got asked then answered in the negative when it came to aggression and combat – Welshy looked pretty uncomfortable when they applied a press and threw some muscle at him. After last week’s impressive stoicism it was disappointing to see him lose command of the backline’s rigidity when we needed it most.
CALMAC – 5/10 – There it was – You know your season’s in trouble when the captain and most accomplished player ends up slashing, mis-kicking, skying the ball in plenty of space in the middle of the park with minutes to go. Like watching Old Yeller’s final moments; if Calmac doesn’t know what the hell’s going on, who’s around him – or meant to be around him – and has at it like a Sunday morning hungover phiss-head, then our ‘system’
is a bogey.
THE BUILDER – 6/10 – Our biggest danger, and will be our biggest sell in a few months once the Zombies have enough guaranteed CL bucks to see them through and maintain the tete-a-tete… Won’t he, Peter? Yup. You think he’s hanging around this mess? Got to give Matty credit for the incessant desire to play and create. If only there was some kind of team-mate awareness and useful interaction we might have gotten somewhere…
BRIAN DE – 4/10 – There was promise, and then there was phish. He does like to contradict himself and bewilder the support – currently going through a patchy bit of form that gives no hint as to whether we’re going to get Champions League Palma or Sunday League Palma. I still like his smiley positivity, though; but definitely a player who needs his game lifted by the general tide.
LORD KATSUMOTO – 3/10 – Well, we knew Daizen wasn’t happy after last Sunday and he’s playing like it. Inscrutable commitment is being edged out by frustrated toil; he’s being constricted by the game-plan, and we’re not getting the benefit of a roaming, closing-down machine. Release the Daizen one!
KILLER MUSHROOM – 6.5/10 – You cannot fade the deadly nightshade. Despite a season of starvation and now a deeper role, he’s still the sharpest edge in the toolbox. A header from the glorious past of Sutton and Hartson to take the lead.
DUNCAN IDAHO – 5/10 – Much like Palma, he showed up well first 45 in the big central striker role, holding and linking. Should have scored a gift of a header but bottled it and after that he got lost and didn’t make the impact I thought was coming.
SUBS –
SAINT BERNARDO – 4/10 – But for the finish, we’d have been praising him as a match-winner with gilded feet. But he missed it, so we’re not…
YING – 3/10 – A whole half, and yet he did more in a ten minute cameo last week.
OH BHOY – N/A – Rumblestiltskin couldn’t give us a fairytale finish as he often has. And may be entitled to ask why he’s third choice behind a new temporary signing not showing anything beyond Oh’s capabilities…
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA – 5/10 – Well, the kid can play, as I’ve said before – was probably our most positive force in his time on the park with surging runs that sadly only seemed to startle the rest in Hoops. But can he defend? Hmm, maybe a no on that one; although there were claims of a push as he got suckered at the back post and let a lifelong Celtic fan – yep, he is – score that gut-shot equaliser.
TAKINTE – 5/10 – Was an improvement on what came before him, and but for a poor choice of final ball could have made a real impact.
THE SHNAKE – 3/10 – Not a bad result; Not a good one either – to paraphrase the late, great Steve Wright and give Brendan and his rather conservative fanbase the rational, mature take on a point gained…No, beat it – it was a shambles orchestrated by a grifter. He’ll have a quiet sense of satisfaction hearing the board get it in the neck at full-time. But the board always get it at Celtic, and the board will continue to get it until there’s clarity and a definitive structure for running Celtic like a progressive, contemporary football club and not a rich man’s hobby, which we seem to have regressed towards.
The Lawwell Paradox
When you store money in case you don’t qualify for the Champions League then you don’t qualify for the Champions League because you store money.
— E-Tims (@ETimsNet) February 17, 2024
But it wasn’t the board who dismantled the most dynamic Celtic system this century and neutered the impact of our most potent players. Nah, that was somebody you’ve been warned about since the biblical events of last summer. A disjointed, confused playing squad already hung out to dry by a manager who seems ambivalent to the impending doom; probably because he’s too busy working his escape ticket in the background…
MIBBERY – 6.5/10 – Johnny’s wet dream today; throw a few yellows about and hope Killie get at us late on; enjoy the spectacle and avoid the blame. All worked out nicely…Not really a big impact from the dynamic duo apart from VAR (Gollum?) cackling over their equaliser as our players appealed forlornly for a push. Release the audio!
OVERALL – 2/10 – Nostradamus sitting back with a cigar and whisky and a betting slip and purring like Begbie, “Flamin’ hell telt yeez…” Easiest call in centuries as Celtic’s snarl turns into a toothless bite and we fold easy as cardboard cut-outs in a hurricane. The misgivings building through the season came to fruition once again like an instructional prompt for generating an AI scenario:
“Show Celtic taking a narrow lead and trying but predictably failing to outplay and out-muscle lesser opponents who finish the game with greater energy and endeavour.”
But we won’t need supercomputers to work out where this season’s heading. A dozen games to play and we’re the hapless victims of our own bemusing incompetence, requiring favours and Zombie bottle-crashing in spades. Like requiring a Craig Levein side to take points off them; that’s how bad its getting, folks…
🗣️ "You think I like a challenge, I don't think there's any doubt"
Brendan Rodgers reacts to Celtic dropping points at home to Kilmarnock in the Scottish Premiership title race.#BBCFootball pic.twitter.com/UdekF98irR
— BBC Sport Scotland (@BBCSportScot) February 17, 2024
I said with the Calmac moment that it was indicative of the sum of all fears, and we’re on the edge of oblivion unless there’s internal revolution and the players find some powerful focus and direction. There was always the chance of things going south quicker than a serial-killing penguin escaping an arctic murder spree, and now were seeing the creeping chill descend once more that enveloped an empty Paradise all the covid season.
We need a fire lit under this bonfire of the vanities, and quickly.
Go Away Now
Sandman
only 2 players deserve passmarks HART AND KYOGO, THE REST WERE BANG AVERAGE, when will the board open their eyes to the left back position, how many more goals must we lose at the back post from headers, and BRENDAN CALMAC needs a hand in the middle
Tom Wolfe be better at left back, or anywhere.
So my Tom Wolfe comment is pulled…I demand a recount
Phil is Tine