Sandman’s Definitive Ratings: Celtic v Umbrella Academical


‘Recycling plastic feels fantastic! Until you have to play on it.” Greenpeace.

HAZARD – 6/10

Weather was the real Hazard but his anticipation and handling seemed attuned to any freak storm.


(Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images)

The controversial choice. Unhealthy for your breakfast but how do Celtic fare with him on a grim day? Well, he’s busy – no complaining about his commitment to support and defend – and gave a good wide option for midfield and forwards. Looked like he enjoyed himself playing in that. Weirdo.

AJER – 6/10

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Casual ball woke us all up after ten minutes as he decided to tweak Hamilton’s optimism. After that, however, remained stoic and reliably tough.

BITTON – 6/10

(Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images)

Threatening, at both ends – caught flat by Ajer’s poor ball and took a booking, popped up on the end of two corners first ten and might have scored. Settled into a comfortable game.

PINGPONG – 6.5/10

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His potency was almost negated by that pitch as we’ve seen with Jamesy. But to his credit there was some dreary back-tracking done well, and determined forward-bursting up and down the weather front. Was a pleasant surprise not to see him fade and stay relevant through the 90.

MAN OF – 7/10

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Wee mhan got intense as required in a clogged midfield as the home side’s robust young neds stuck to the game-plan and closed space, kicked and hustled. Didn’t faze him at all, more so focussed his effort and with
Calmac rarely more than ten yards form him, we took control of the game.

CALMAC – 7.5/10

(Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images)

Ubiquity is his forte. Fine captain’s performance as he dictated most of our forward play and looked keen to get on the scoresheet himself with numerous forages into dangerous areas.


Not a lot of space to operate in but he found some channels to upset their shape. Maintained a staggering level of participation in such conditions given he’s nearly 100 years old and that experience provided dividends as he prodded in an Eddy rebound for a deserved goal.


What did he get for his birthday yesterday? A ticket to Nice? A trip to England? Will the Son Of Man betray us in January like his best mate at Easter? Well, we got another suspicious performance as he floated around looking both deadly – some vicious dipping shots – and traitorous with half-hearted input in sticky situations. Hmm…

(Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images)

GRIFF – 7.5/10

A save, a post, another save, and by twenty minutes Griff had more knock-backs than an average circuit round the Kool Kats dancefloor. But Griff knows fromm experience that if you persist with earnest desire, asking, ‘Gonnae gie’s it?’, ‘Gonnae gie’s it?’ at every opportunity then at some point the universe is going to serve one
up on a platter; this time it was lay-off of the season from Eddy and Griff got another notch on his bedpost.


(Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images)

Hamilton’s manager Brian Glover was honoured by Eddy in the 34th minute when he re-enacted his famous scene from ‘Kes’, beating all of their team and supporter’s club, before smashing it narrowly over the top.

Aside, involvement was his mantra, as so many bleat, and but for good goalkeeping and bad luck he’d have had a hat-rick by the break. Quality shone through the filth after half-time and Le Predator won the game with scintillating style and even found the seasonal goodwill to spare boaking rat Neil McCann another fluster by
not Panenka-ing the spot-kick. Keep him fresh for Mordor, he’s approaching unplayable levels on this display.


AJETI – N/A – Was hoping for snow, but rollocked about in a bellicose manner in weather he described as ‘scorching’.

KLIMALA KLIMAX – N/A – Took shelter behind Hamilton’s defensive trees.

MIKEY J – N/A – Managed to maintain that New Romantic coiffure in that weather,

ELSHAGYONLASSIE – N/A -Itroduced as punishment for fannying around too much.

LENNONY – 7.5/10

The sort of day and stupid pitch, when lesser-willed managers may have played percentages and sought safety-first formations, so kudos for sticking to his dynamic double-act up front who did give us the edge to win on a sticky wicket. Or sticky-back plastic.

OVERALL – 7.5/10

(Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images)

Phew. Well, we put in a first 25 minutes to win any game, pinned them in, created a number of chances. At half-time it was a case of cross fingers and hope the Bhoys would not lose the will or verve, or belief – as had been too evident last Sunday. They didn’t, and the traditionally tricky prospect of Hamilton away was eventually negotiated, with a little flourish of style too. And on we go towards New Year destiny via Arab Wednesday.

Sandman. Hungover Now

About Author

The Celtic Star founder and editor, who has edited numerous Celtic books over the past decade or so including several from Lisbon Lions, Willie Wallace, Tommy Gemmell and Jim Craig. Earliest Celtic memories include a win over East Fife at Celtic Park and the 4-1 League Cup loss to Partick Thistle as a 6 year old. Best game? Easy 4-2, 1979 when Ten Men Won the League. Email

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