SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ SAN HOSE
“Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy?
Two up in San Siro,
But, here comes reality…”Freddie Mercury
BARKAS – 6/10
Is it his less-than-intimidating presence that contributes to fans’ lack of trust? Recall the slim pale kid from school with the slicked-down side parting that hung about on the fringes and you forgot about him for years, until you met him again in his twenties and he still looks the same but has attempted to grow a beard and moustache, reaching for an older appearance… Yeah…
Learning Scottish with his first phrase under his belt – ‘WTF?’ It’s dual meaning of ‘WTF did I do to deserve this?’ and ‘WTF is going on in front of me?’ might be confusing him. Also must be completely bewildered why he hardly ever gets to make a save – from Ross County to Milan he’s either kicking it or picking it out the net.
AJER – 6.5/10
Terrific impression of runaway bus as he sought to equalise. Norse warrior-esque in order to impress future suitors, can’t really be faulted as we lost two completely avoidable goals, one unstoppable, and one deflection.
BITTON – 6.5/10
Splendid second half. Appearing more like a midfield anchorman and disruptive presence pushing onto them. Defensively he was focussed and cool as ever. Must be wondering how he conceded four.
PINGPONG – 7.5/10 MOTM
Lots of space and giving it his all – maybe could/should have put us 3-0 up when he had a 1 on 1 inside their box and chose left instead of cutting onto his right. Yet, he seemed to realise sometime in the 90 that his gift of pace and low gravity is rare, and he could mix it up against real quality.
So we got numerous electric bursts that raised hopes and spirits; occasions like these can be a catalyst in a young player’s career – with luck his display tonight in those surroundings gives him huge belief and confidence to tear it up in the SPFL.
DREXL – 5.5/10
Welcome home, bend over… But the savaging was held at bay as WE dictated early play and Drexl gave as good as he got against his wage-masters. Who pay him about 50k a week…
Anyway, his consistency of commitment is something we could do with as an essential component of every member of the squad. Unfortunately, they got wise to his forays and mostly snuffed him out for the second 45 until it was game over.
HAT ATTACK – 4/10
Confidence player? Maybe it’s just his demeanour but he can look apprehensive. With justification tonight, though he acquitted himself pretty decently on their favoured attacking flank in the first half and wasn’t overwhelmed, finding some courage to get forward when he could.
Second half the roof caved in early as he allowed their Norwegian wunderkind to step inside and skin him and two others. Criminally, he got deja vu-ed at the fourth. Fool me twice…
BROON – 6.5/10
Not to be condemned to the glue factory by panderers of cliches, he chose to display his broad experience by keeping chin and head up and giving a dynamic Milan midfield something to contend with. Can you complain about the skipper’s involvement? Some have to because crowd-think dictates so, and…Reasons…But in actual truth he was solid and combative as we could hope; probably did a lot better than might have been envisioned pre-match, peeking out from between yer fingers.
CALMAC – 6.5/10
He’s our Harry Potter, holding the secret of Celtic’s recovery and resurgent Premiership ambitions. We need his magic to shine domestically, so hopefully big Euro nights like this tune him in – should have scored at least once, but appeared keen and lively throughout. Only gripe I have is that he faded when needed most as they sat in and we tried to rally back; a tale of his season to date.
CORPUS – 5.5/10
Thank god he’s not a postman or it’s an empty mantlepiece at Christmas on the strength of his deliveries. Lovely disguised pass to slip Eddy through but in general those crosses and final balls on breaks would have the Pope cursing…
ROGIC – 7/10
A cathedral setting for Oz to regain some of his gothic splendour. And it didn’t take him long as he appeared like a baby-snatching dingo to rob Milan’s Shania Duffiano and swerve in our opener with that cultured left peg.
The perfect start for Celtic at the San Siro! 🍀
A mistake from Rade Krunić and Tom Rogic is quick to capitalise! 👏 pic.twitter.com/UwJuwkT7Q6
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) December 3, 2020
After that, Maradona’s ghost was salivating at his every involvement; the touch and guile is a beacon of hope for our listing ship. It MUST be utilised properly, and more often.
FRENCH EDDY – 7/10
Observe le class, class. With the leaden veil of ennui lifted first-half, we saw the French Eddy of song and lore, a sparking firecracker of a player who’ll segue into sumptuous flame in the heat of the moment (enough flammable metaphors there, fire fans?). The movement and dink for his goal alone shows the value.
Odsonne Edouard! Such a clever finish from the Frenchman! ✨
Celtic couldn’t have asked for a better start against AC Milan! 🍀 pic.twitter.com/TyTAjXaEAK
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) December 3, 2020
It’s almost tragic the way we ask him to play; yet at times tonight there was a cadre of skilful henchmen around for him to raid with. Why the hell we can’t replicate what we do in Milan when it’s Ross Flaming Coonty is what sent Hawking to his grave with a pointed finger punctuating the air, forever in question.
SUBS:
SAM JACKSON – N/A
Thrown on to hold the 2-3 deficit. Muthu failed…
MAN OF – N/A
The conundrum and confusion continues – is he a deputy or the sheriff-in-waiting? Reputation suggests the latter, game-time the former. We will see…
KLIMALA KLIMAX – N/A
Dreamed of playing in the San Siro, kid? Yeah, but actually kicking the ball…
LENNONY – 6/10
He’s still here! And for twenty minutes the malcontent wanted Lennony in to replace Lennony as we swaggered around the San DeNiro like movie stars and dished out a thorough pumping. His tactics worked like a dream, then the alarm went off and we puked up some goals as the Sunday hangover kicked in.
Now the arguments will rage until we meet the Perth Posh, unless there’s some dramatic occupational merry-go-roundery on Friday or Saturday. But tonight the angst was scored into the brittle surface of hard-hearts everywhere as a ‘departing’ legend’s chosen side promised great things with great style. Oh, the humanity…
OVERALL – 6.5/10
So deep in the bowels of Celtic Park on Sunday evening lots were drawn. The unlucky and jinxed were herded onto a plane and flown to the sacrificial ground of the San Siro, colosseum of the North.
But like upstart gladiatorial lion-bait, we refused to lie down and be a catwalk for the fashionistas of Milan. Took it to them, might have been three up before their butlers rang the dinner bell. But as we ‘consolidated’ they adjusted the throttle and in a short space of time Celtic had gone from looking dangerous to delusional.
While our defence concentrated on stifling Gary Hooper – cunningly using the alias ‘Rebic’ – their sprightly Scandinavian star found he could wander in from the wing and saunter past any given number of lime-greened mannequins, and our goose got cooked way before Christmas Day.
Still, our tactic of looking like a hockey team with those clashing black socks in the capital of fashion did seem to shake their aesthetic sensibilities long enough for us to establish a good – and surprising! – lead.
‘This is the way’, says the Mandalorian bounty hunter in the spaghetti western inspired adventure series I’m bingeing on, and our own bounty hunters should heed it too; the Celtic way – THE way – is playing on the front foot as we started tonight, getting our creative types on the ball as often as possible, overrunning our opponents with vibrant and aggressive, swashbuckling attacking menace.
We couldn’t maintain it, and THE SIEVE is returning with some vengeance of it’s own, but a blinding twenty minute burst to get two up in Milan means a game put to bed early in the SPL, and a magnificent TEN to history.
I’ll sign off with a Christmas plea for the welfare of the portable fences, currently trembling in the Parkheid lockups – some of them are only weeks old and it’s their first gig, so go easy on them this weekend, you righteous warriors for petted-lip justice…
Sandman
