More from The East is Green…

Celtic Scarves

If you see old pictures from the fifties there weren’t so many scarves available, only the plain green and white ones. Into the sixties the dark green and two emerald green stripes and a white one in the middle started to appear, horizontal, 45 degrees and vertical stripes and some with badges imprinted on them.

Yes of course the plain green and white is more in line with the shirt but not quite as distinctive as the other ones and coming from Edinburgh you might be taken for a Hibs fan if you wore that type.

You can become attached to a thing like a scarf like a favourite pair of jeans or shirt or something but getting married in one?

I was sitting behind Pim O’Neil on the bus one day and I could hear him lamenting a lost scarf. “It was like bairn to me that scarf I wore at all the cup finals, league winning games, big European games everywhere, turned the hoose upside doon and canny find I was half pissed when I got home last week so God knows what happened.”

I’m sitting there thinking much as I sympathise, that’s what happens with the drink it’ll no happen tae me. Two weeks later, next home game, I’m sitting behind Pim scarfless, I was right about what drink does to you.

I rang round every taxi firm in the toon, down to the Lothian Regional bus depot but nothing. I was inconsolable not just the fact that you couldn’t buy that kind anymore but like Pim said it’s what you’ve been through together honestly it was like losing yer pet dug. When I broke the news to Pim we sent each other condolences cards.

Come on wee Sparky

You know you’re getting old when you start fancying the auld bird in the walk-bath adverts in the Saturday morning papers. They had a wide range of them in their catalogue. I rang them up out of curiosity, “yes sir which model did you like?” …”The auld bird wi’ the grey hair,” I replied.

On that very subject – “Older Women” – there was a young electrician , Tam a spark who always fancied an affair with an older lady, not just any older woman just the well preserved type, the Ann Bancroft type who played Mrs Robinson in The Graduate movie or maybe the lovely mature Honour Blackman. One day he received a call from a woman who had just bought a chandelier and asked could he install it but she needed it done that night. No problem he said, he‘ll come over after tea time.

When he arrived she opened the door and sure enough standing there was exactly what he always fancied and so friendly. she took him through to the living room and showed him the light fitting and said look just go ahead and do what you have to do I’m going to give the grandchildren a bath, watching her gracefully moving up the stairs like the woman of his dreams.

Sometime later she comes back down. He’s up the ladder installing the light and she says well that’s them settled down for the night. Standing behind him she said, “now then sparky what about you? would you like a bath?”

He nearly fell off the ladders, “come on Sparky, I just know you would love Mummy to give you a bath.”

Slowly he turns around and she is standing there with one hand on her hip and the other hand up at the budgie’s cage saying “come on wee Sparky”.

“Whit a bloody cairry oan”

The East is Green is a self published booklet written by life-long Celtic supporter Brian McAuley, who has also personally designed so many Celtic Supporters Club badges and many of them will be shown on The Celtic Star as we serialise this brilliant little Celtic book. Running to just over 100 pages it’s a great insight into supporting Celtic and attending games stretching as far back as the 1950s to the modern day.

As we have done previously with Jerry Woods’ brilliant To Lisbon and Back on a Fiver, we’re happy to put any reader in touch with Brian and he’s post and package you a copy of The East is Green for the very reasonable cost of £5 plus postage.

Just drop an email to editor@thecelticstar.co.uk and we’ll be pleased to make the necessary introductions. More from The East is Green on The Celtic Star over the coming weeks. HH