SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ ESTADIO BAAACIONAL…

‘Fate whispers, “You cannot withstand the storm.”

The Warrior whispers, “I Am The Storm.” ‘

– Genghis Khan

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7/10 – Well, this is nice – just like Northern Denmark at Xmas, but without the scenery, snow and charm. Kasper, drenched and dreich, prowled around like a grumpy wet Labrador but remained consummately professional; let nothing slip past or away from him and maintained absolutely crucial
communications with his backline at all times.

UNCANNY – 6/10 – You’ll love this bit, kid – when you get the random yellow just for wearing the Hoops. Accused of mercilessly hauling down a powerhouse, power-packed muscular winger twice his fighting weight, the kid has been moved up a division by the World Boxing Council. Survived a scything himself and showed that despite his sunshine roots, classic Scottish horizontal rain doesn’t put him off his game; admirable contribution before necessary subbing to prevent him being on death row for wearing a loud shirt in a built-up area, or suchlike
from the MIB ‘second-Celt-yellow options’ playbook.

WAYNE GRETZKY – 6.5/10 – Rebuked by the storm from his regular tag-teaming with Kuhn, it was a stoical AJ who played out this one. Forged ahead when he could, but safety-first seemed the default option and strong defensive play marked his night.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 5.5/10 – Good grief. If it’s a meritocracy right enough, Liam’s going to be gazing at his boss with expectant eyes when the Saturday team sheet’s read out. Big Austin looked well atuned to the miserable, treacherous weather and had handled himself competently with minimal fuss. But…He’s there to eliminate that one chance, not to cause it. That one moment may have undone all the graft. Massive error of decision making and anticipation. Teed up their striker beyond his wildest dream. Couldn’t fail to score until…

GET CARTER – 8/10 – …Enter the 80s action hero – brawny, rugged, embattled, snarling and gung-ho to save the day. And what a save. 90% of the time that’s in. But CCV got there in the nick of time to cap a fine night of expertly-distilled defensive moonshine – a furious display of physicality, discipline, and improvisation to keep them at bay and defy the conditions which screamed out for howlers at the back.

CALMAC – 7/10 – Hardly a footballer’s ideal evening. But the skipper is adaptable and clever – maintained a steady rhythm until the closing quarter when you’ll see him step it up – bursting into spaces, snapping at them, zipping passes down channels. Waited his time to rattle the home midfield’s composure, and with Beelzebub’s Baptist Goblin, Shinnie, surprisingly in the book alongside their Scandinavian bar brawler they had no bite-back left, which allowed Calmac to dominate the final third and find that killer moment.

SAINT BERNARDO – 6.5/10 – Another unexpectedly thriving in the worst of Scottish winter – like a different galaxy from blistering Lisboa. His rugged style suited the proceedings and he seemed to relish them. Had a swinging screamer of a corner ruled out for… you know… Reasons… Felt he was unlucky to be subbed and questioned it at the time. But doubt it was anything but tactical.

HAKUNA HATATE – 8.5/10 MOTM – The one that got away… From The Sheep’s frantic cover, to produce a take and finish so sublime it was surreally out of place and time. Never a night for Reo to shine, but he did – defied
the elements as he worked his way into the game with some deft lay-offs and subtle movement; he switched a few crisp passes around early in the second-half and you began to wonder if he really was beginning to fancy this. The answer to that notion was emphatic and brilliant, and constituted his biggest contribution to this
season’s title run yet.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6/10 – No breaks, no Daizen… He couldn’t have bought one tonight; bursts and touches came to nothing, the MIB had a bizarre fetish for penalising his every intervention despite the legality of most.A rueful samurai departed the field, inscrutably frustrated… Hibs may get sliced and diced come Saturday.

KILLER MUSHROOM – 6/10 – Clinked around like a wee ice-pop, requiring tethered to a tent peg hammered into the penalty spot to keep him from being blown away. Never got the breaks his industry merited and, likeDaizen, hooked with nothing to show.

TAKINTE – 6.5/10 – Much like the Luftwaffe keeping out of range of anti-aircraft guns, our German bomber threatened to rain fire down upon them but never quite got within range. There was one spanked effort that given his quality, he’ll be annoyed wasn’t on target; perfect for that left peg but zipped over. Still remained a constant
danger.

Continued on the next page…

SUBS –

GREGGS THE BAKER – 7/10 – Kuhn who? Another leftie with match-winning potential…That sumptuous ball over the top for Reo to score. Who would have expected such culinary artistry from a baker? Like finding out your Savoy Grill steak was cooked by Chef from Southpark.

DUNCAN IDAHO – 6.5/10 – Ah, the BIG option. A night that called for carnivores with power, and in he was thrown… Certainly had their centre backs all at sea – ironic, because the sea itself was almost in the ground. Foiled by a flying save from an ex-Celt, but his time on the park created enough turmoil required to notch the win.

JAMESY – 6/10 – Like Saturday, Jamesy started where he left off – buzzing, teasing, prising them open with his trademark hustle. But enough of his night out – another cameo here that helped pin Aberdeen back and push us a step closer to 4IAR. The teuchters always hide their sheep when Jamesy comes to town, but they needn’t fear. Yet. He’s not a nightlife regular there, due to rivalriesand insane Northerners. But wait until retirement – they’re on his bucket list. ALL of them…

THE TERMINATOR – N/A – Yes, kid, it really is like this. Buy wellies.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6/10 – Luke gets more confident in his place in a Celtic side by the minute. No fuss and no fear tonight – got on and carried out the remit.

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 8/10 – A big win and a big call with his subs and the timing of them. Got it right on the money as we maintained consistency and throttled their ambition. He knows it now – he’s four wins from all but having that championship tied up and being able to focus on Europe… Or… (insert here)…

MIBBERY – 4/10 – Mystifying pricks at times like these. Suspicions were roused by a quick and erroneous offside call early on that was never explained. Then we got the array of irritating and bewildering punishments for innocuous incidents. Too much excitement in their earpieces I guess as Deek McInnes failed his Mordor audition. Or not…

OVERALL – 8/10 – A damp squib, and yet a firecracker of a night for Celtic. The damn weather wrecked a game that may have been spectacular but for the Eastern tempest that is Reo Hatate to devastate the Sheep Pen with
the predatory instincts of a lone wolf; the balletic chest and half-volley movement had the locals in a cultural-overload daze for the remainder, absently asking of each other, “Is thon dancer yin Russian, aye?”

From the heroics of Reo and CCV, to the ‘flecksake-who-just-stabbed-me-in-the-backside-with-a-metal-protractor-as-I-was-dozing-off-in-class’ moment of Greggs’ deft searching ball for that winner. It was a night of dirge and delight as the Bhoys showed they can wrangle a result out of the most dreadful of conditions which act as a leveller.

The ball floated about with the perplexing exaggeration of a Pennywise balloon, always carrying a horrific threat of sabotage to our title credentials, but they were verified completely with a champions’ performance and result that must leave the rest wondering just how you go about halting this juggernaut? Certainly not tying a fair maiden down in front of us (although that will temporarily occupy Jamesy; five minutes, he’s a busy man…) because you’ll not find many among other supports. Nor by thuggery, because you’ll not outmuscle our stone giants. Definitely not by skill. As for skullduggery – well, they’ll try and try and try, until they scream and scream and scream.

No, we’ll only stop ourselves by means of complacency or arrogance; and only if the nature of this squad changes drastically. These boys are on quite a roll. And as we’ve said it before, Jimbo and I, they’ll roll, roll, roll, and thrill your soul. Alright…

Go Away Now

Sandman

CELTIC IN THE THIRTIES, VOLUMES ONE & TWO BY MATT CORR – OUT NOW! Order your signed copies below…

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