Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Children of the Corn

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v CHILDREN OF THE CORN…

“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise, we harden.” – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 – Old heid on the touchline, old heid in the goalmouth; and thankfully both as sprightly as ever. Great stop low down through a forest of legs set the tone – we will not be beaten here. And a clean sheet thereafter exactly what he deserved after weeks of concession.

SCRATCHY – 7/10 – Mental bar steward. OUR mental bar steward. Likes both bombing up the wing in support and bombing after opposition with a vendetta in equal measure. Got the same busy aura about him as Raul Sendic, leader of the Tupamaros, Uruguay’s answer to the Baader-Meinhofs, or Che Guvera’s ELN – mad marxist-Leninist kidnapping, bomber guerilla revolutionaries. Now our left-back.

TONY THE TIGER – 7/10 – Never fade The Brickie, virgins. The rhetoric around Tony is always toxic; much as with Liam. Yet here he was stepping-in and stepping-up; CRUNCHING tackle in the middle to set up the move for the opener, DELIGHTFUL floated ball to create the second. Getting it right roon the haters, Tiger-style.

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 – Balance? Who needs balance when you’ve got faith in the mhan who defended Atlantis with you…Plenty confidence surging through the Ginger Baresi after Sunday’s aberration in a somewhat splendid
season for him. Had his head screwed on and the backline screwed tight tonight. Steady Jamesy…Vice-captain by merit.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 7/10 – After so long out and so readily written off, it was interesting to see if he would attempt to prove himself or play with an extrapolated sulk. The former was the case; a rock-steady showing from the lesser-favoured Yank and a stake for a Sunday start.

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CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Quiet control and disciplined oversight of the middle. Due to the newfound dynamism ahead and around him, Calmac was able to move through the motions and get an added bonus of an early rest with the weekend in mind.

THE TERMINATOR – 6/10 – Much like Calmac, a reserved but solid appearance; minder and provider for the skipper’s command. We still await the Bundesliga promise of his pedigree flaring into consistent quality, but playing in that role as of tonight, is the best way to see if he’s really got it in him.

NEGAN – 7.5/10 -nFair play and credit where it’s due – much maligned and maybe written-off as a Celtic player, he will still put himself in there relentlessly. Eye-rolling aplenty as he squandered chances but was as instrumental as Tony in the first two and deserved his own strike before taking a bow. Will start Sunday and we’ll see then what he’s really made of.

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TUTANKHAMUN – 6.5/10 – Boy’s got enthusiasm and a finish. Banished the ghost of Mikey J with an imposingly-adventurous night; he took his man on with intent rather than hope and gave them torrid moments when we could facilitate him time on the ball.

KENNY JOHNNY -8/10 MOTM – Martin’s in the door a day and JK’s turned into flaming Henrik. Swashbuckling goals and more focal play in one half than he’s managed in a Celtic jersey to date. Sunday will be his litmus test but he’ll be going into it on a wave of confidence and belief. And given he’ll be up against a poorer side than tonight, maybe that’ll be the hat-trick game…

JAMESY – 6.5/10 – Only a quarter of a century later has Martin considered it safe to return to the Prestwick Pele’s killing fields, being careful to keep his daughters out of the eyeline of Ayrshire’s Johnny Sins all these years. By way of tribute – and relief – Jamesy got a start and rewarded the new-boss-same-as-the-old-but-two-decades-old-I-mean-boss… with a rousing – easy ladies… – display of swashbuckling wing-play; provided the cross of the season in a late first-half flurry that asked to be bulleted in; A satisfying night from Jamesy. That’s what she said.

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SUBS –

DONNY – 6/10 – What’s this? A kid who looks like he trains with Daizen and eager to get on the end of crosses/take a dig himself? Not a kick under he-whose-name-must-never-be-spoken-again. Not. A. Kick.

HAKUNA HATATE – N/A – Reo appeared a little startled and also relieved to get onto the park and away from mad Fozzie in the dugout.

LORD KATSUMOTO – N/A – Daizen’s back and burning the yards. Charged around for ten minutes in the hope of doing the same for 90 on Sunday.

BALIKMORY – N/A – Sort of ran on again under the noses of the new coaching staff; so kudos for taking advantage of recent chaos to get another appearance in.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6/10 – Luke-ing lively for his brief spell on the park; saw a lot of the ball and unlucky not to notch a deserved goal.

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FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GAMGEE – 8/10 – In he came, like Gandalf trailing his favourite Hobbit. Sentiment abounded, but what could the veteran amateur sleuth bring? The answer was… Intensity. That quiet, studied personality found resonance with the team, and once they settled into the idea of being able to perform without being assessed by General Motors Automobile Aggregator Chart, they delivered. And we got the charm of watching the sorcerer and apprentice bobbling around the technical area like a pair of excited kids. Sunday will bring new pressures but nothing MON hasn’t seen before, and with a wee skelper beside him, there’s a good chance I may be taking 6-2 at 125/1…

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Ange Postecoglou very unlikely to become the next Celtic boss, @SkySportsNews understands. Not something that is expected to progress at this time. McKenna also very difficult to do and he will give an #Ipswich press conference later ahead of their game v #QPR. More on #SSN and… pic.twitter.com/48drmQCr3f

— Lyall Thomas (@SkySportsLyall) October 30, 2025

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MIBBERY – 3.5/10 – What a curiosity this starey MIB was; a refusal to book any player who shares a dressing room with Assfield had Calmac and everyone else of Hooped persuasion baffled. He eventually relented once the damage was done but only on the condition he got to throw one our way too. I guess the tension of the Easter Road live-feed being piped in via his ear-piece was stressing him out…

OVERALL – 8/10 – What a difference a few days make. And the difference to an embattled squad made by the exit of the guy who publicly humiliated them in the name of self-preservation. They certainly looked like they were in mourning…

NOT!

(© Wayne and Garth).

Soon as the vibrant atmosphere settled a bit and the players got over a snappy Falkirk start and found rhythm, the entertainment began: Zip, rip, and tippety-tip-top tempo that picked the upstarts apart and threatened to bury them in a landslide. From midway through the first-half until the weary legs of late-on, the champions were back slaying the impertinent like bygone days of old…

There’s a passage of play right before the third, when the ball’s shuffled right to left across the back around the halfway. At the precise moment when we’ve been conditioned for two and a quarter seasons to expect cautious horseshoe keep-ball, there’s a BRAVE dink between opposition pressing players, finding Negan to split their lines, ultimately resulting in Negan’s goal.

You only realise how much the gallus has been absent until it manifests again before your eyes. Now the job is to maintain the dead-rat bounce right into Hampden, landing on the Zombies like a tooled-up UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter gunship.

No better way to back-up one good thrashing than deliver another. And it’s long overdue, Celtic.

Go Away Now

Sandman

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🍀 Interim boss Martin O’Neill’s Celtic side secured a 4-0 win over Falkirk in his first game back in charge of the club since 2005 as they close the gap on Hearts to six points ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/7yZQ2HEaks

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) October 30, 2025

Celtic in the Eighties by David Potter, signed copies by Danny McGrain available from celticstarbooks.com 

Don’t miss the chance to purchase the late, great Celtic historian David Potter’s final book. All remaining copies have been signed by the legendary Celtic captain  Danny McGrain PLUS you’ll also receive a FREE copy of David Potter’s Willie Fernie biography – Putting on the Style, and you’ll only be charged for postage on one book.  Order from Celtic Star Books HERE.

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Celtic 4-0 Falkirk – St Martin of Parkhead as Hearts Start to Falter. The ongoing internal war was far removed from the mind of the venerated Irishman as he brought joy back to the faithful on a night where it could have all gone wrong…Story in comments below👇🍀 pic.twitter.com/NyhS4AP7tH

— The Celtic Star News Feed (@CelticStarMag) October 30, 2025

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