Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Tangerine Dream

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v TANGERINE DREAM…

“I think I’m quite ready for another adventure.” – Bilbo Baggins

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6/10 – Much maligned by frustrated supporters but favoured by a wise man. Not a lot to do today but punch one like it was painted with John ‘Bomber’ Brown’s coupon, and ping a contender for pass of the day 30 yards up the wing.

KATIE – 7/10 – Being solidly KT and enhancing the attacking threat is all we ask of him and it’s exactly what we got, capped by a fine supporting role in the important second strike. Encouraging to have him see out another full match.

AZTECO – 6/10 – Not played many minutes since fleeing the Sinaloa Cartel’s clutches, but this reformed hitman looked to offer us something a little more than Tony – extra dynamism and natural athleticism. He did heed the Brickie’s invaluable advice for entering the Scottish game, though – “Stud someone” – and escaped a wild late assault with a yellow. Remarkably, lol.

OF JUSTICE – 8/10 MOTM – This is why you have Liam in your team. And why the haters’ understanding of the details of football lets them down; one Irish sage who knows his stuff reinstates the Barndarigg Beckenbauer and there’s a noticeable solidity about the Celtic core. When others start slowly, you need players like Liam who are on it from the first whistle. An assist for the opener, a goal-saving tackle to prevent an equaliser – game-changing involvement. Followed thereafter by stoic defensive work and well-executed tackles with timing that made it look easy. It’s not. Well played, that ginger fella.

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🟢 Celtic produced a dominant performance to beat Dundee Utd 4-0, as Martin O’Neill returned to the dugout again ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/8pIY1SQ3lN

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) January 10, 2026

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 5.5/10 – Maybe too relaxed after his traumatic solo adventures in the heart of defence. Still in recovery after last week’s Zombie-haunting, his casual fugue almost cost us but for Liam’s bail-out. When he’s on it, he’s been top quality. Can be forgiven for recent dips after carrying the team most of autumn/winter to date.

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CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Captain Comfortable. No rushing to the sidelines bewildered to make his Stratego (great game, btw) move, or scampering around the middle wondering where everyone in Hoops had disappeared to. It was back in the comfort zone for the skipper and back in total control to strike up the jungle drums and find a winning rhythm.

THE TERMINATOR – 7/10 – A confidence player, I’ve come to realise. The gallusness is a front that’s got him through his youth to a level requiring incredible self-belief. And with the return of the Justified And Ancient, and probably Fozzie’s Germanic-Cartman-From-South-Park command of European dialects, Arne’s feeling good about himself again. As emphasised by a thoroughly fine performance with inventive input and effective running topped by a terrific goal; Exactly the Engels we require in the engine room to see this season through to glory.

HAKUNA HATATE – 4.5/10 – The luxury we may be able to afford if the rest can carry him. No doubting his ability when tuned-in, but today he deteriorated when I expected he’d pick up the vibe and swashbuckle. Soon as he missed a great opening early second-half the shoulders were slumped and the sighing began. Maybe Martin can get his head right and his form on-point, because an able Reo’s guile can’t be matched in the Scottish Premiership. But in this title battle, we can’t afford to mollycoddle talent if it ain’t going to pay dividends pronto.

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YING – 7.5/10 – Playing like he was looking for a move to… I wonder where? Or maybe Nat King Cole is still on his turntable, if you know what I mean? Regardless of impending switches to Islamic Caliphates or domestic carnal adventures, the written-off Asian wing terrier is certainly giving us pause for thought as his impact and input
make differences game to game. Following last Saturday’s brave and spectacular attempt to join the legends of Skelpers, he follows up with a crisp strike to open the scoring and leads by example with later dig, skill and teamwork. The Korean Paddy McCourt.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6/10 – FFS, Daizen, put one in the net! And after a catalogue of hair-pulling Daizening-around, he finally did with his last kick, slashing it high into the pokey with the enigmatic contempt of Sickboy in Trainspotting 2 escaping the Orange club, into the car, “Just flamin’ drive…“…

TUTANKHAMUN – 7/10 – The bhoy’s finest display in a Celtic jersey. And not before time. The Mikey J mask got left somewhere in the AFCON hotels and we got a proper glimpse of the Tunisian Typhoon. Tricks, torment and tease… But today we finally got some END PRODUCT. More than enough, actually, to have scored a barrowload. I counted half a dozen Tut moments that deserved someone applying a finish. And we need half a dozen a game from now on. Get to it, lad.

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SUBS –

NEGAN – 6.5/10 – Another benefactor of motivational words applied surgically – not in the starting eleven but keen as a Royal on Epstein Island to get involved when he was let loose. Fine finish out of his feet to maintain the goalscoring knack, hungry for more and to impress. Expect that’s earned him a midweek start.

JAMESY – N/A – The legend, recovered from his New Year first-‘nearly-a-foot- they-say’-ing, graces us with his presence and tries his best to score again. But he was spent. No wonder.

MELLOW YELLOW – N/A – Kid will now play a big part in backing-up the title push; and we’ll be better for his useful appearances.

KENNY JOHNNY – 6/10 – After a month or so wandering around like an abandoned greyhound with brain damage from banging his heid against trap gates, the right trainer returned with soothing words to focus his movement. And flashes of the surprisingly useful JK of autumn had us chin-stroking once more. Perhaps he’ll give us something after all…

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Luke, there’s Luke the main mooth of the dressing room who finally tipped the Nancy Bhoy ship right over. Let’s see his boots do the talking now.

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FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 8/10 – The old Frog crooner’s been punted off the stage. The band’s back together and the surprise reunion tour’s a sell-out. And they’re also getting a tune out of classic instruments we might have considered needed re-strung.

We did try a Frenchman with synth technology but he was less Jean Michel Jarre and more Edith Piaf, and we regret flaming everything…So would MON and SOM (Sean O’Maloney, remember) have any impact or were these players unsalvageable duds? Four going on seven or more was the answer, an emphatic ‘Hell yes, time to hide ya Zombies”. A start – or re-start – they’d have dreamed of. It’s going to be game-by-game, carefully trying to rack up points and maintain confidence until the scent of glory and the glow of title-winning momentum gets a firm grip on the players psyches. But as difficult, rushed second albums go, the opening track here was a banger.

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🗣️’I’ve come back in again, I think perhaps to haunt them as much as anything else’

Martin O’Neill praised his side after he made his return to Parkhead today⤵️#BBCFootball pic.twitter.com/FIXk7342uc

— BBC Sport Scotland (@BBCSportScot) January 10, 2026

MIBBERY – 3/10 – From little Nick’s 49-second-in delay to a Celtic attack, until Azteco’s wild challenge I reckoned they were poised to try and stick a cocktail stick into the MON bubble. But amazingly, even Damien Dallas on VAR failed to act. I’ll have to see it again on TV replay after the Guinness runs out, but I was already preparing for dining on my nails as the scurrilous villains facilitated a United resurgence against ten mhen. Looks like someone forgot the MIBs New Year resolutions…

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OVERALL – 8/10 – What a difference a week makes. And an engaging manager with character, and an astute leprechaun sidekick, and a mad Doric-Arabic speaking mascot nobody can understand but everybody loves. And, of course, the ubiquitous Strachan junior with laptop. There’s not been a gang as capable of soving mysteries since Scooby ‘went to live on a farm, kids’ and our greatest recent conundrum was answered pretty quickly today – YES, we can still play.

MON will tell you it’s not rocket surgery; set-up in a system that simply lets the players solve their own on-field problems and find a rythm they can function properly as a team by. Loose structure, rigid focus. No tail-chasing or panic as gaps appear; safe in the knowledge your formation may provide adequate cover or support. After the internecine squabbles ruined Christmas and New Year for everyone, the onus was on the players to prove they had the guile and the balls to… Well, be ballers.

And, thankfully we’re back at square one again. Not ‘here’s an obscure French fella with abstract concepts’ square one, but ‘in comes a legend with a clear plan’ square one.

So off we roll again, now vibrant and hopefully over the nightmare. It must be Celtic in champions mode from now on, pressure piled onto the incestuous cousins awaiting the inevitable cracking of Zombie bottles from Gorgie to Mordor. May the ghost of Albert Kidd haunt Dens Park today and Shaun The Sheep cause havoc in the Northern Pen. For us, it’s time, as William Wallace declared: “To go to the fields of Falkirk and mess ’em up”.

Go Away Now

Sandman

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🗣️ “The whole team were terrific today”
🗣️ “We have to be up for it [title fight] 🗣️ “We need bolstering and the people to come in and help the players”

Martin O’Neill has his say on Celtic’s win over Dundee United ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/FJ0ZCCYJ77

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) January 10, 2026

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Martin O’Neill spoke to the mainstream media this afternoon after guiding Celtic to a comprehensive 4-0 win over Dundee United at Celtic Park. What a difference a week makes! Just a pity the Celtic Board didn’t sack Wilfried Nancy after that dreadful night at Fir Park when all all knew he was finished…

Q: Well, Martin, you needn’t have worried, you’ve still got it!

Martin O’Neill: “We played well today, which was nice, but obviously, the most important thing was winning. I thought we played really well, it was nice to see players performing well, playing with confidence, and it was just nice to win.”

Q: How pleased are you just how quickly the players seem to revert back into exactly what you and the guys are wanting to do?

Martin O’Neill: “I think that would be too early to assess them and think they’re doing that. When I was here, the two lads at the back, Liam Scales and Auston Trusty, did great for me. And I thought it was just a relatively easy decision to put Scales back in again. Kieran Tierney is getting fitter each particular game, as if he’s lasting out. The young Bournemouth lad [Julian Araujo], he did really fine in the game. I hope he wasn’t getting carried away with himself with you guys [the press].

Q: He called you gaffer!

Martin O’Neill: “Did he? So he should!”

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Q: It says a lot for your players’ mentality that they’ve come through another week of turmoil with the change and produce a performance like that?

Martin O’Neill: “There’ll be plenty more turmoil between now and then at the end of the season! It’s nice. We’ve got a big game on Wednesday, so the lads are off tomorrow, ready for Monday now. Don’t get carried away, I thought we played really well. Somebody told me we had, like, 32 passes in the build-up to the first goal. But we still have to score it, you know? And while we had things that were flying across the box and we had a bit of pressure, you know, you still have to break them down. And so Yang, who’s having a really good time of it at the minute, it was nice to score. Great.”

Q: Do you think Yang, I mean, you did a bit of work with him the first time? I see comparisons with what you did with Bobby Petta. When you first got him, you transformed the confidence first and gave him that belief?

Martin O’Neill: “It’s the way that he can go past players, which is great. That’s a big, big asset in today’s game. Big, big asset. So he can go past them. Sometimes I think he might actually even be better on the left-hand side, checking in and coming in, because he can hit, and he can get clear of players when he’s coming in. But Sebastian Tounekti did well today, you know, on the other side. And Yang, having played on the right-hand side for the last couple of games, that was fine, just to keep it at that.”

Q: How much of a confidence boost can that result, the clean sheet, give them for the remainder of the campaign?

Martin O’Neill: “Well, naturally here, I would have taken a victory in any way, but the lads know that anyway, so you kind of get bored listening to it. But I would have taken it. But the way we performed today should give them extra confidence anyway.

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Q: Just on Daizen, Martin, he scored today. You said earlier in the week you were going to maybe speak to him and his agent about his future. Have you got any update on that situation?

Martin O’Neill: “No, I haven’t at the minute and I will do now that we’ve got a couple of days, you know, on Monday and Tuesday. I would hope that he’d stay at the football club. I’m fearful of saying something to you here and finding out maybe three days later something else has happened. But no, I wouldn’t want to lose him.”

Q: Martin, watching that game today, if you’ve just come in from afar and seen it, you would actually wonder what all the fuss has been about for Celtic this season. It just seems so seamless?

Martin O’Neill: “We did play very well. Sometimes I leave that out when we’re talking about winning the game. The winning, of course, was very, very important. The performance was really good. Again, it does give you a boost. But Wednesday night is a big test for us. I thought that we were ready for the game from yesterday’s training. But you never really know until you play. Liam Scales, he’s made a really good challenge. That’s just after we had scored as well. So that could be an important moment. What I’m saying to you is if the confidence is kind of fragile, then that sort of thing can change again, then it gives the opposition a big boost. But we rode that one out and we saw it through.”

Q: Can I ask, I’ve watched you for all the goals and you didn’t celebrate. For the first two, you just sort of gave a little bit… Was that conscious or was it just…?

Martin O’Neill: “No, no, no. I just get worried. First of all, I’m getting old and therefore I can’t jump as high. And I’m frightened in case I fall down and embarrass myself!

Q: Seriously?

Martin O’Neill: “Well, it’s part of it. No, it is the part of it. I have made a fool of myself on plenty of occasions. Jumping up and then you’ve got a bit of studs in here and they can maybe slide and you feel it complete. No, but just getting the goals. I didn’t celebrate because I get worried.

Q: Inside it must have been…

Martin O’Neill: “A great feeling, honestly. It’s really lovely tonight, honestly. So I shall watch the American football with great delight.’

Q: Which game?

Martin O’Neill: “Well, whatever’s on. I think there’s usually someone on Saturday. There are play-offs. It’s got to the play-off stages. So I haven’t had time to look, but I think it’ll be on at some stage.”

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Q: Great result, Martin. But you said not to get carried away. You also said yesterday you don’t want to hang about on new signings. So are you hopeful you might get some in?

Martin O’Neill: “Yeah, I am hopeful that we are going to get some people in. But just when you think that something might happen, things change around. Listen, it’s not me filibustering. It’s just me feeling that until they’re over the line, I can’t come up and say that it’s happened. We obviously need to do it, even just to give help to the boys at present at the minute. Because this week, the week that’s just gone in, was the only week that we have had, since I’ve come to the football club, we have had a free week. And from here on in, we go right through now to I don’t know how long, because we’re going midweek each time. So there’ll be no respite. If we pick up injuries to really key players here, we could be in serious trouble.”

Q: A 4-0 win changes nothing in the sense that there’s still a critical need for quality players?

Martin O’Neill: “Oh, it’s not changed to me. Not at all. We need some people in. And we are, honestly, we are working on it. It doesn’t seem as if you believe me, but we’re actually working on it.”

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