Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Red Star Lemonade v Celtic

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ RED STAR LEMONADE…

“Even if the hopes you started out with are dashed, hope has to be maintained.” – Seamus Heaney

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7.5/10 – One wonder save and one wonderful save. Kept them at bay using his lego glove and boots extensions; threw in a couple of shaky moments, arguably not entirely his fault, but under those rainclouds and pressure he had the character to hold it together.

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“A dream come true!” ✨

19-year-old Colby Donovan shares his thoughts on making his first European appearance for Celtic 🟢

📺 @tntsports & @discoveryplusUK pic.twitter.com/0zHQqa86b7

— Football on TNT Sports (@footballontnt) September 24, 2025

MELLOW YELLOW – 8/10 MOTM – The kid can play as well as he sings. We needed a Sunshine Superman in conditions like Atlantis and the fearless bhoy lit up the Celtic right. Solid aggression goes a long way in the Balkans and his willingness to instigate attacks and support was a highlight of a game where he might even have scored too. Got to love a capable kid who just wants to play for the Colours (see what I did there, and there, and there, Donovan sentimentalists?).

KATIE – 6/10 – He might not be the KT of old but he’s still got the class. Had a torrid time against a speed merchant second 45, yet managed to power through it until the engine choked, later than usual.

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 – Another night of Euro precision from the under-appreciated Ginger Baresi. Particularly keen challenge presented to him by belligerent, lumbering Zlatan-impersonator and part-time porn star, Inandoutovich. But I thought Liam handled him well enough. As for his special-game, those calculated interceptions, he was astute and sharp in a testing environment.

GET CARTER – 7/10 – The big ghuy looked back at the races tonight. No dawdling on the ball or drifting his thoughts from the task at hand. Had his timing right and his physical challenges very effective, almost breaking the leg of an insolent hairy Belgradian dwarf late in the game by taking a kick from it…

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CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Did his isolation continue? Not quite – Negan showed up deeper than usual and we were able to construct decent chances after the break. It is still, however, a glaring flaw bang in the centre of our midfield, and one better European sides will exploit. The benefit of having somebody in tandem with Calmac was best emphasised in his late, exciting burst through their lines high up the park – when did you last see him do that? It’s a sign of confidence and security, enabled by a presence around him so the cautionary thoughts and weight of responsibility for holding the middle tight can take a back seat for opportune moments.

NEGAN – 6.5/10 – Missed a sitter, set up the goal minutes later with some fine play. He remains a bit of a dichotomy – a luxury or a necessity? Is what he brings different or greater than others? Drifts in and out of the action when played high but tonight sat deeper and appeared more effective.

HAKUNA HATATE – 3/10 – Well, that was mince, Reo. He just never got into a ryhthm and passed up a handful of chances from great positions to play a killer ball or make a crucial touch. We awaited it all clicking into match-winning synchronicity but he remained consistent in his phishness.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 3/10 – Eh, alright, he’s a bit off the dynamic Daizen of last season but he’s still your vital closing-down machine in European competition. And maybe a little service or the right pass would have facilitated some Daizen Daizenery. Nope, hooked at half-time. sheesh.

TUTANKHAMUN – 5.5/10 – Ah, failed to beat the Mikey J two-good-games-on-the-trot record. This wasn’t the Ayrshire pies or the theatrical jags, this was mad-mental Red Star on their own patch; what did he have now? Well, the answer was keenness and promise when we got the ball to him. Which wasn’t often enough. The sort of player who wants to win you the game, exemplified when he had their fullback almost regurgitating his breakfast with just 15 to play. Can he come up with the magic if we can just get the ball to him this closing period? Nope. Hooked right after aforementioned moment of flair. Jeeeeee…sus.

YING – 4/10 – Birmingyang’s still here and Brendan prefers him over bhoys who want to stay and play for the jersey in these big games… I have no idea either. Deary me…

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SUBS –

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Kelechi Iheanacho says he embraces the ‘massive pressure’ of playing for Celtic after his goal helped claim a point against Red Star 💪 pic.twitter.com/FbPVnJTAdv

— Football on TNT Sports (@footballontnt) September 24, 2025

ITCHYCOO PARK – 7/10 – Scored a peach, might have had a hat-trick but for exceptional goalkeeping. Shows how you play as a central striker. Adam. Been a great impact sub to date; now we await the question of achieving and maintaining full fitness so he can really catch fire and perhaps carve out some mini-legend status.

BALIKMORY – N/A – Well, there he was again. So far, appearing like a guy who keeps sneaking in with the ground-staff and writing his own name on the teamsheet for some TikTok challenge.

JAMESY – N/A – Could Jamesy score in Belgrade, heart of the Balkans? Part of an area he refers to as ‘the Bonkings’? Well, no. But his energy was welcome to keep them on their toes and looking over their shoulders. Like most of the women in the stadium at that point, to be honest…

SCRATCHY – N/A – Yes, he looks like a mad Uruguayan bar steward cut from the Suarez template, and gave us a taste of thrills to come by throwing one of them aside and kicking another in the nads within the first three minutes of his arrival, taking a yellow in the process to lift his career total to 1284, thus bettering Pele’s goal record and claiming victory for his home country over the, ‘Feelthy Brazeelyan peeg.” Apparently.

THE TERMINATOR – N/A – Another Arne blink-and-miss-it. What is he doing wrong in training? And wtf is Paulo up to?

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THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 6/10 – “Don’t select that team,” we said. But he did. Yet it was tweaked, just a bit. But also restrained by the Brodge ‘barber’ philosophy – “short back and sides is better than long forward and creative, ya hippy bass” So we toiled until he got more adventurous and might have won it. And maybe lost it, too. But it still all reeks – three seasons in – of less calculated strategy, and more like random dice-rolling.

MIBBERY – 5/10 – Kind of flaked-out deep in the second period with some bizarre calls but overall didn’t let his meth-craving damage our night.

OVERALL – 7/10 – A credible point? Guess so. A dynamic European performance? Less so. Difficult to critique the first-half showing as anything less than competent but dull ; you could see we were out to assert ourselves and starve them of possession and hope, take the sting out the crowd. All very well. But sometimes the players have to be brave enough to take the game to very beatable opposition and mercilessly finish them off. Or, the manager has to be brave enough to ask his players to do so, more like.

That wasn’t going to happen here for a while. When we did get at their throats, they bared them for a period of fifteen opening minutes after the break and we made enough chances to kill the game stone dead. Their keeper kept them in it then we got turned with some pace and pinned in until they got their goal, and a lift.

We definitely had their measure but lacked the concentrated intensity to really put them on their knees. Is that down to quality, tactics or mindset of the players? Maybe a little of each. In the end a fair point you might have taken beforehand but as always, the nature of the actual match has us a bit rueful of an opportunity let slip.

Go Away Now.

Sandman

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