Two years ago today Celtic beat the Rangers to go top, we’ve remained there ever since…

Two years ago today we took to the field in a Glasgow Derby in what was a game of upmost importance. A win would see us overtake our rivals after trailing them for most of the season and if we could do just that, it would help us overcome a huge psychological barrier in our aim to reclaim the title.

A what a night it was. A 3-0 thumping was dished out to the latest Ibrox club in one of the most convincing Derby wins in recent memory. The atmosphere was electric. One of the best, if not best ever atmosphere I and numerous others have experienced at Paradise in our stadium’s illustrious history.

It was under the lights and the place was literally rocking. The noise, the colour, the pyrotechnic, it was a joy to be present. Not for theRangers players though, they looked absolutely terrified. They were like the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights, or in this case, the Celtic park disco lights.

You could see in their faces that they were beat before a ball was kicked, their eyes told its own story. They couldn’t handle it and folded as easy as oldco did when the grim reaper came calling.

Not to take anything away from the Celtic players though, who were terrific throughout. Reo Hatate in particular who was superb and introduced himself to Scottish football by scoring a superb brace. Not bad for a utility player eh?

In the end the 3-0 score line flattered the Ibrox side. It could’ve and should’ve been a lot more, but the three points were the most important thing and we overtook the Rangers to leap into first place. Where we have remained ever since.

It also led to the start of that great catchy tune ‘on top of the league looking down on theRangers’ – Karen Carpenter had a wonderful voice but the Celtic supporters sung it better with their own classic version.

Below we’ve included some of the post match coverage of the game on The Celtic Star, which you’ll enjoy and maybe put a smile on your face, taking your mind off that awful transfer window.

Just an Ordinary Bhoy

Continued on the next page…Starting with Conall McGinty’s excellent summary, followed by David Potter’s post match thoughts then finishing up with Sandman’s Definitive Ratings…

What a performance from Celtic – Natural order Re-o-stored…by Conall McGinty

The natural order has been re-o-stored, and what a way to do it! When I write these articles I try to be level headed and not get caught up in hyperbole but tonight was the performance we have all been waiting for this season. We have threatened to give teams a proper hiding on many occasions over the past few months but tonight we finally delivered. What a time to do it.

That first half was as about a complete performance as you are ever likely to see. The second half we didn’t get out of first gear. We didn’t have to. The game was already won in the first 45 minutes. We absolutely destroyed our opposition during that period. It was like watching a heavyweight boxing contest where one of the fighters gets nailed with a haymaker and his legs are all over the place during the remainder of the round, unable to get off the ropes.

Every single one of them Celtic players on the pitch tonight rose to the occasion, stood up to the expectation of the fans in the ground and showed that they are a vastly superior team to their rivals both in terms of footballing ability and overall mentality. They have provided a springboard that should propel them towards the league title. We have proved we are the better team. From here on it’s in our hands.

How do you pick out a man of the match after a performance like that? Hatate would be the obvious choice after scoring twice and providing the assist for the other goal in a truly wonderful showing in his first ever Glasgow derby. Many with an in-depth knowledge of Japanese football have said that our number 41 could be the best of the bunch in regards to our Japanese contingent. After what we have saw so far from him I won’t disagree with that opinion.

Apart from Hatate however there were some absolutely heroic performances. Personally my man of the match was Josip Juranovic. I thought he was absolutely fantastic throughout the game, both in a defensive capacity and in attack. His energy throughout was incredible. On the other side Greg Taylor was almost as important, giving everything and embarrassing anyone who ever doubted his abilities.

I’m so glad we got the clean sheet because the defence was as solid as I care to remember. I admit I have been critical of Carl Starfelt at times and I worried a match of this magnitude could bring out the worst in him but the opposite happened. We saw him at his best. He was fantastic throughout as was his partner at centre back Cameron Carter-Vickers. Whatever Tottenham want for him Celtic, pay it.

Matt O’Reilly, who has just recently came from League One in England looked every bit Tom Rogic’s long term replacement with some absolutely delicious touches. Abada and Jota terrorised their full backs down the wings. Callum McGregor, who many expected to be out for weeks if not months, stepped up like the great captain he is and led his team. He might not scream and shout like Scott Brown but my god does he inspire. I can’t wait to read The Celtic Star’s very own Sandman’s definitive ratings, there will be some impressive scores.

How lucky are we to have Ange Postecoglou in charge of our club? The fact he has been able to assemble this squad, on a tight budget, inside half a year is almost unbelievable. He has brought players to this club that otherwise we would have had absolutely zero chance of getting. He has completely transformed our club. Remember I said I didn’t do hyperbole? Tonight I can’t help it. The league is far from over but it’s just good to be back on top.

Those Celtic players who played their part this evening and the manager should be proud of themselves. They have left every Celtic fan across the world with a warm feeling inside tonight. Thank you to each and every one of them.

Conall McGinty

Continued on the next page with David Potter’s post match thoughts then Sandman’s Definitive Ratings…

“Atmosphere was awe inspiring, spine chilling & frankly like nothing else in the whole world,” David Potter (god bless him)…

Last night was one of the best nights we have had for many years. For long periods in the first half, we hardly gave them a kick of the ball and 7-0 at half time would not have been an outrageous reflection on the run of play.

The second half was quieter, and although we lost some of the momentum we had in the first half, we kept things under control, and they were never really likely to get back in the game.

We did not have a single weakness. My Man of the Match would have been Juranovic, but there would have been many who would have run him close. And what a difference Callum McGregor makes, face mask or no face mask! The team played with cohesion and teamwork, and the football was a real treat.

The atmosphere was awe inspiring, spine chilling and frankly like nothing else in the whole world. Our opponents were clearly rattled and even intimidated. They are in the main simple minded souls, having been fed all sorts of rubbish in the Scottish media about how good they are. It was the first time they had come up against a non-servile crowd. They were clearly thunderstruck by it all, and some of them might not recover.

That was last night – and it was, by any standard, impressive, but today is another day, and it is “Feet on the floor day” for the players. 14 league games remain and we still must win them all. It would be very difficult to accept if we beat theRangers and then failed to Motherwell or Aberdeen. Concentration is paramount.

Calm them down, Ange, You are doing a great job so far. We are in with a chance of the three trophies, and of course we already have won one. The mutual love between fans and players that we saw last night are a sign that anything is possible.

Both players and fans were awesome.

David Potter

Continued on the next page with Sandman’s Definitive Ratings

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Calmac of the Opera faces the Neelies

“‘Tis but a scratch! Just a flesh wound!” – Calum McGregor in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

“His name is Reo and he dances round the Dunns…” – Duran Duran, ‘Reo’.

ROXIE – 7.5/10 – Big beautiful bouffanted babe shall let none pass. Risked fracturing comb-over in a pivotal moment in the game but threw himself at the feet of Arseface without a second thought. Tremendous anticipation. Safer hands than Jesus.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 7.5/10 – At it like an angry Dachshund bearing a Bonio grudge, snarled and snapped his way through a great 90 minutes. Never gave an inch, or respect, to a single zombie who tried to noise him up. Maybe his best match in the Hoops.

GET CARTER – 8/10 – A big mhan with a rueful grin after it was all over; loved every minute of his baptism into proper football atmosphere and not the rent-a-fud EPL chorus lines. Our bouncer sorted out the gatecrashers in dubious gilded turquoise blouses, chewed up and spat out their aerial threats. A rock.

STAR LORD – 7/10 – Crazy mother (you know the rest). Dishing it out, playing on his – and our – nerves, drowning the crowd with the voices in his heid rapping encouragement. Kept all on tenterhooks every tweaked pass, sideways and narrow, but he got there when required and took the pressure situations well. Only his own worst enemy when the multiple personalities hush and he thinks too much – frazzed-out mid second half and gave the Uglies encouragement. However, it was but a blip on the Star Lord command console tonight. Give him a vial of laudanum and tuck him in.

JURAN JURAN – 8/10 – Relished the occasion, ferocious in his application, displayed a touch of creative class and skill despite the responsibility of shackling The Borg’s best attacking option.  And he all but played the collaborating Kamp Kapo out of the game during the moments that counted. Left the hillbilly redneck jakey wishing he’d flung his duelling banjo into the back of his pickup and headed south with the Slippy G escape
convoy.

CALMAC OF THE OPERA – 9/10 MOTM – It took me 85 minutes to guess who it was. A shocking revelation, because if it was any of us who’d been sledgehammered in the gub like Rocky Balboa, then ten days later I’d still be convalescing, laid on a bed of Egyptian silk, surrounded by fragrant incense with a nubile masseuse (topless, minimum) attending to me with a scented ostrich feather.

But not our skipper. No way, Hose. Broken heid and still up for facing the most hideous eleven in world football. And what a game he had. Hardly put a foot wrong despite taking a nothing yellow from the baldy Neely with the whistle (another amazing neutral appointment…).

With more of his brain missing than JFK, Calmac still drove the side on the ENTIRE game, maintained the tempo like an atomic gyroscope with legs. Incredible shift from an incredible Celt.

HAKUNA HATATE – 8.5/10 – “Ha-ha-ha, we’ve *signed Arran Ramsbottom!” Ha-ha-ha Haaaatate! Not only do the Japanese innovate, they also honour – tonight both Naka and Lubo got an Eastern star’s tribute in one opportune moment of guile and beauty, ironically swerving it past the same tangerine-tinted slavering beast that Naka surprised all those years ago, and celebrating like the Skelping Slovak himself in his derby debut.

I said Saturday that we somehow failed to connect with Reo and he spent a quiet afternoon foraging earnestly but fruitlessly. Not so tonight. Not with Calmac back in. They fused, Reo playing Robin to the masked Batman pulling the strings. Before he shot his own bolt, he’d already put two killer bolts in the mutants’ skulls and clipped in a cross for the third as the slaughterhouse ramped up production.

Quite an awesome display of big-moment contribution. We now know we’ve got an exciting baller on our hands.
Arigato Hiro!

*borrowed from hospital

THE BUILDER – 8/10 – ‘The Architect’ more like. What a composed young man. Borrowed the cultured boots of Oz for this one, completely unfazed by the bedlamites in 80s aerobics class dayglo-blue. Bust a gut off the ball and elicited swells of appreciation when he was on it. Almost capped his night with a swerving free-kick only to be foiled by the stretching claw of the peach-clad degenerate jizz-despenser in nets. Gentlemen, and ladies, we have another transfer market diamond from Ange.

ABADASS – 7.5/10 – There it is, after a period of struggle, all coming together – the kid’s runs and final balls, and that little extra he packs into his game – the finishing. And what perfect execution it was, outside-foot half-volley, angling it beyond the groping hand of the giant priapic carrot between their sticks. Just a stranger in a strange land playing against (really) strange opponents and he must now be buzzing at what he signed up for. We’re getting value for money in excess here and he’s going to get even better with age and experience.

NOTEBOOK – 7/10 – A surprise – a pretty low-key night as far as his big-game record to date; still full of verve but maybe too hyped-up for it – touch let him down, not quite floating past opponents like we know he can. Still played a big part in making them cry like spanked brats however, nearly scored a scorcher, only spurned by the walking beast register’s great save. He just couldn’t find the right song on the night, encapsulated by his big chance on the break near the end when he muddled the ball between his feet and failed to bear down on goal. Never mind, proper Skelping to come.

SON OF JACKIE – 7/10 – Well, we now have a striker capable of going toe-to-toe with their laboratory experiments at centre back. Jackie hustled and battered and ground them down. Would have scored as well, maybe a hat-trick, but was denied by the fortune, luck and flair of the cantaloupe condom that kept getting in the way. I still reckon he’s 75% as fit as he can be, and to our requirements. Bodes well if he knuckles down.

SUBS:

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6/10 – Ryan Air overnight all the way from Tokyo just to perform the thankless task of harassing the covid cup holders while the Bhoys wound it down. Which he did without question and limitless energy. Respect. Arigatōgozaimasu.

JAMESY – 6.5/10 – Got right stuck into them, did Jamesy – fearless in flight and tough in the tackle. Jamesy? Yes, in the thick of it with big Bassa and Haribo Chews. Tackle, indeed, and not even the kind he usually needs to tuck away quick…

McCARTHYISM – 6/10 – Get on there and do what you do… Like before. And he did, just fine.

MAN OF.. – N/A – Cunningly thrown in late to draw the inevitable online racism from the inevitable racists wrapped in Union Jacks.

WEE BOAK – N/A – Came on, slapped a goat, got booked by another. Wee mhan made his mark like a boss.

ANITA DOBSON – 9/10 – They’re not laughing at Big Ange now, the hacks and whacks of the SMSM; Angeball reams the lauded Dutch dillgence of Groinio Transit-Van Bungleheist. He demanded the players focus and run the drills and stick to the gameplan and move and pass and create and, finally, pump the Covidites. Instructions carried out to the letter. Every player he picked playing their role as given. 9 of the starting 11 Ange’s new bhoys. What a work in progress, and he’s not done yet!

MIBBERY – 3/10 – Well, he tried with an early nonsense Calmac name-taking. but, alas… Dear Ghod, the humanity – almost overwhelmed me late on to see Boaby Madd’un choking back the tears as he carded Tavpen. The ultimate emotionally crippling act of the Salmon Leap’s most famous Bear: booking the Covid Captain amid a Celtic Park savaging. Laughing My Flaming Arse Off.

OVERALL – 9/10 – Nine. What the score could have been but for the vacant-brained ginger-hued beast-wing-certainty producing his usual Celtic-defying sorcery. Would you have taken a draw before kick-off? Maybe, given circumstances with the squad, our shaky recent results and the consequences of a loss. Best to face them at full strength, no?

LOL, how’d that work out for us? No Koyogo, no Oz, Daizen still smelling of cute aircrew, Calmac appearing out of misty sewers on a gondola, Notebook still tuning back up, Eddie Turnbull back in the care home and Reo ‘not fully fit yet’ according to Ange. And we ran over them like a Derby winner over a suffragette. Are you reading this,  lurkers? Don’t stand in the way of the thoroughbreds. Looks like you’re Donald ducked . And will be again. Soon.

So if you were an Angeball skeptic, here was the test you ruminated on – up against Scotland’s ‘invincible’ (stop  sniggering at the back!) SPL Covid Chumpions, Empty Hoose Season 20-21.

The first-half was an evisceration, football versus hoofball, Bhoys versus boys, desire versus ‘dignity’… Celtic made them look static, cumbersome and hysterically neurotic all at once. After the break it was all a bit of a laugh as they scrambled to save pride and the Hoops scrambled eggs in anticipation of re-energising to take on their Lanarkshire cousins at the weekend.

So dreams do come true. Sometimes great dreams. And sometimes greater dreams – like these Bhoys have, of being Champions and Champions League  players. And we’ll be loving it every kick of a ball as the clock counts down to glory. Sayonara, mother (you know the rest), enjoy the marvellous vibes. There’s a buzz about the place…

Go Away Now

Sandman

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