Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Colombia

Luke McCowan during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on January 05, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6/10 – A solid outing. As mentioned above, instrumental in the first, always appearing useful when he found time and space. Not an easy shift, running the Hatate channels among uncompromising bruisers, but he gave 100% and his quality showed in exciting flashes; Much like Jamesy on Hogmanay but, eh, different…

Nicolas Kuhn celebrates with teammate Arne Engels after scoring his team’s third goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on January 05, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE TERMINATOR – 8/10 MOTM – Deliveries. Movement. Ball retention. Guile. Composure. A dawning of realisation that maybe his transfer fee will be justified when you see the bhoy cruising around exhibiting natural footballing class. Untroubled today by cheeky monkeys throwing their own faeces at him, we got an inkling of just how good a player can be developed here. Certainly, in my humble but definitive opinion – stated previously in some sozzled preamble, probably – Arne is a splendid future fit for the Calmac deep-lying role.

Those wicked deliveries aside, he most impressed today with his quick and guileful distribution from those deeper areas when under pressure in a packed midfield. Facing his own goal, taking a risky ball but making the optimistic pass instead of the safe retentive one; not risky, but eventful – finding someone in forward space, opening up attacking options as their press came in. We play Calmac-plus one & one; a 1-2 staggered mid. With Arne in there we have the 2-1 option as well, taking pressure off Calmac and letting younger legs shuttle up and down. And, dare I say it, another option entirely – Calmac rested up with the kid running the middle; he appears to have the mentality for it. An edge of arrogant self-belief is always good to see in a young player; Nobody’s fool.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6/10 – Daizen be Daizening again. Looked dangerous early but starved of good service. Then their energy levels dropped, we found space and Daizen and they got ragged and rag-dolled as his pace opened them up.

DUNCAN IDAHO – 5.5/10 – Not bad, but still not really great. Maybe needs some of that Arne arrogance; for a big lad he’s quite polite to his opponents, when a snarl and a thud may be more productive. He still got about though, close with a second-minute header, called offside for one unluckily late on. But sometimes he’s still on his heels when opportunity presents. More work at Lennoxtown required. And some swagger…

Nicolas Kühn celebrates scoring the third goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on January 05, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

TAKINTE – 7.5/10 – Smashed in the face by rancid favela pimp on Thursday, did he still have the appetite for it three days later? Yes, no sand-dancing for this Teutonic terror – got his eye in after half an hour of promise and utilised his frightening gliding style thereafter. Scored a second right after narrowly being denied a goal of the season in a move where his scintillating burst of pace and sumptuous bodyswerve had Vladimir Urin, director of the Bolshoi Ballet, on the phone screaming for Kuhn’s tights measurements, and a transfer at all costs. After he’d recovered from his faint, of course.

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