SANDMAN – Scottish Cup Semi-Final Prediction…
Celtic 4-1 theRangers
After spending the first ten minutes using Alfie Morelos to roll the hacked-up Hampden turf flat again after Saturday’s Young Farmers event, Celtic will get into a groove similar to Sylvester on the dancefloor of Studio 54, circa NY 1980, and funk-up the Zombies with a rhythm natural only in those born to the Hoops.
Expect a flurry of intricately-worked Japanese destruction as the Victorian fops in theRangers backline fold like carnival backdrops and a quick one-two of sushi then saki have Celts 2 clear by Gollum’s choked half-time whistle. A relentless Champions-elect will keep the boot on the gargoyle’s throat this time out and notch a third from a Calmac direct free-kick on the edge of the box before Ange picks five steamers from the crowd to throw on for the last half hour and switch tactics from Angeball to Buckieball.
This will give the rattled satanists brief respite as we adjust and therefore I suspect we’ll see a ‘dignified’ VAR retort, probably a Ryan Kent rebound effort after a saved Tavpen pen. That’ll be their lot, however as Ryan goes back into mourning for Dame Edna Everage and Celtic pin them back with a late surge and a first derby goal from Hacky Sack, not too appalled by the leering monster in nets this time and able to finish off a mazy run.
The day will finish in a bout of schadenfruede aggro as Fatboy sees a reluctant red brandished by crestfallen Wullie for attempting to hack up Gregg Taylor with a machete. Scott Arssefield will also be involved in this rammy but will escape a card by bursting into tears when collared by CCV. Tod Cantwell will flee into the crowd for his fairy princess life as Daizen Maeda emerges from the dugout with a glinting samurai blade.
The press will regurgitate ‘shame game’ headlines all week to deflect from the cruelty of the hammering we gave them and eventually a panel of experts drawn from all sectors of society will reach concensus and blame the Green Brigade’s lack of tifo for the trouble.
Sandman
