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Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic at Cirque Du Plastique

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Tony Ralston. Photo Steve Welsh

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ CIRQUE DU PLASTIQUE…

ROXIE – 7/10 – Never underestimate a showgirl’s potential to steal the show with a flourish – terrific flapper hands to rival the Holy Goalie as Livi were denied early and late by sheer net-tending quality.

TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – It was rumoured we’d go rough-and-ready with Tony, and big Ange knows a scrapper when he sees one. Even then, Tony’s first-half was one of overhitting everything until he settled into his usual reliable rhythm in the sunny second.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 – Another of industry and intensity. Battled his way through it, more disciplined than usual, prioritising protecting his wing rather than bursting forward. Spot-on.

IMAGO / PA Images Livingston v Celtic – cinch Premiership – Carl Starfelt (left) and  Stephane Omeonga battle for the ball at the Tony Macaroni Arena, Sunday March 6, 2022. Photo Steve Welsh

STAR LORD – 6.5/10 – Almost let the racoon type this as it spluttered and fizzed over Star Lord’s rocky start. Blipped off passes, and got mugged twice by Frank Bruno romping around up front for them. But his assist for the goal breezed in some Shelby confidence and thereafter he was on-point, picking off runs and passes, taking care over his own distribution, back to the assuredness of recent outings.

GET CARTER – 7/10 – Big man, big forwards (head and shoulders above him), big game. And he seemed to relish the imminent earth-shattering contact every time a high ball was disputed, like one of those mad nutters who runs with the bulls in Pamplona. Today, Livi’s bulls got a doing, and Carter will be eating their balls for dinner.

CALMAC – 6/10 – The skip’s punched in a belter of a strike here before, same end; Our oldest servant was still carrying the curse, it seemed, as the pen and the sitter mocked our hope. But ultimately, he wasn’t to be denied a win, even if he couldn’t exert the influence he’d have liked.

ROGIC – 8/10 – Anti-football Arena, meet the Messiah. Sunny as home, and it brought out the best in Oz. On such a ridiculously unpredictable pitch he just looked like Nureyev performing Swan Lake on ice. Movement and touch and deft release was an art form before yer eyes. How you find such grace and guile skiting around on that is down to intangible talent.

BLOCKCHAIN – 8.5/10 MOTM – And for every maestro, there’s an assistant. On a pitiless artificial environment who better to introduce than a half-human, half-coded assassin? Never wasted a ball, and wasted plenty of the opposition as he held the Celtic artistry together and built the victory podium with the best holding midfield performance of the season. Outstanding, match-winning display.

JAMESY – 7/10 – The consternation as Jamesy got the starting jersey, lol. An obvious metaphysical ploy to cancel out his nippy wee brother on the other side – resulting in a zero-sum game, leaving it 10v10. And once Alan had started greetin’ on the phone to his Mum about big brother not letting him play, Jamesy went to town with the big boys in a scintillating second-half that sealed the deal for us and produced his finest goal since he lashed one in against Lazio in Rome; tremendous run to ‘flash’ onto his standing leg then produce a finish worthy of Henrik, angling it back across the keeper somehow…Somehow? Well, we all know what he swung at it to get that impact. Don’t we girls? Evidenced by his non-celebration; hands busy tucking.

IMAGO / PA Images Livingston v Celtic – cinch Premiership – Daizen Maeda celebrates scoring the first goal of the game during the cinch Premiership match at the Tony Macaroni Arena, Sunday March 6, 2022.Photo Steve Welsh

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7.5/10 – How troublesome. Much speculation about his inclusion – do we need a big man down the middle? Turned out our roadrunner brought enough havoc to their big men at the back to fully justify his start. And he nicked in for that precious opener right after the misses.

NOTEBOOK – 6.5/10 – After he found his footing, it began to look like he might be destructor-in-chief. But they focussed on him heavily to quieten the threat after the break.

SUBS:

SON OF JACKIE – N/A – Came on for a rumble, put himself around well.

HAKUNA HATATE – N/A – Most of Japan is made of plastic so he felt at home with a quiet cameo that allowed Little Nicky to book him for….

THE BUILDER – N/A – The right guy to throw in there, as he’s a lego afficionado.

ABADASS – N/A – Everyone’s non-Jamesy social media choice got a late gig replacing the correct choice.

ANITA DOBSON – 8/10 – It’s been an emotional few days for Ange, a rough time after hearing Neighbours will be cancelled in the summer after 40 years. But he pulled himself together and put away the Kylie albums to focus on this trickiest of tricky tasks. Once bitten, twice shy. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame…fool…shucks, now watch this drive. Anyway, September follies gave way to the ides of March and the boss threw a spinner in memory of Warney that had everyone puzzled. Then all the controversial picks went and did the business and big Ange looked on with a, ‘Yup’. Totally justified.

MIBBERY – 3/10 – Little Nicky jumped the shark and awarded the Bhoys a penalty! Then denied another. Then threw some yellows around to try and keep him on the goat gang bang committee.

IMAGO / PA Images Livingston v Celtic – cinch Premiership – James Forrest (centre) scores Celtic’s third goal of the game during the  match at the Tony Macaroni Arena on Sunday March 6, 2022. Photo Steve Welsh

OVERALL – 8.5/10 – They think it’s all over… It isn’t. Plastic waste just refuses to decompose and we’ll likely be back there after the split, because they’re a troublesome outfit who carry a better physical set-piece threat than most in the Scottish Premiership. The last Celtic manager to win a league game at Livingston, Martin O’Neill, turned 70 this week – an omen. Which also makes him 7 times older than theRangers. And the curse was lifted, with as much style as we could have hoped for on a day of joyous relief. We met their combative side with steel, and stayed true to the Angeball philosophy of shifting it quick, looking forward, trying to make transitions count. Apart from the lapse for their scrambled goal which dragged residual tension through the final twenty minutes, this was a perfect plastic performance – long overdue and absolutely timeous.

Now the Bhoys get a week’s break to put their feet up with popcorn and watch some Zombies  get kicked around Belgrade while we anticipate a final eight games of epic drama. Tenterhooks time.

Enjoy.

Go Away Now.

Sandman

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About Author

The Celtic Star founder and editor David Faulds has edited numerous Celtic books over the past decade or so including several from Lisbon Lions, Willie Wallace, Tommy Gemmell and Jim Craig. Earliest Celtic memories include a win over East Fife at Celtic Park and the 4-1 League Cup loss to Partick Thistle as a 6 year old. Best game? Easy 4-2, 1979 when Ten Men Won the League. Email editor@thecelticstar.co.uk

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2 Comments

  1. Rabbie Burns on

    Bitton was superb .. on the ground, but was posted missin twice when they hit the bar & when they scored, left his man & didnae even jump. Not MotM quality that imo. Thought Ralston deseved better points as his deliveries time & again cause problems, whereas JJ just has problems with his deliveries.
    Great ratings as ever though.
    Superb victory & mare Euro hangovers await for Them.
    Oor after match highlight the Sandman Ratings, keep up the good work!
    HH

    • Rabbie Burns on

      Ps. Maeda’s best game so far: his touch getting better & his link up play improving .. he looks to be settling in at last & his confidence improving