SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ CIRQUE DU PLASTIQUE…
0-2 | OWN GOAL! ⚽
Celtic double their lead as Devlin turns the ball into his own net pic.twitter.com/5F8eOy9G61
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022

ROXIE – 7/10 – Never underestimate a showgirl’s potential to steal the show with a flourish – terrific flapper hands to rival the Holy Goalie as Livi were denied early and late by sheer net-tending quality.
TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – It was rumoured we’d go rough-and-ready with Tony, and big Ange knows a scrapper when he sees one. Even then, Tony’s first-half was one of overhitting everything until he settled into his usual reliable rhythm in the sunny second.
GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 – Another of industry and intensity. Battled his way through it, more disciplined than usual, prioritising protecting his wing rather than bursting forward. Spot-on.

STAR LORD – 6.5/10 – Almost let the racoon type this as it spluttered and fizzed over Star Lord’s rocky start. Blipped off passes, and got mugged twice by Frank Bruno romping around up front for them. But his assist for the goal breezed in some Shelby confidence and thereafter he was on-point, picking off runs and passes, taking care over his own distribution, back to the assuredness of recent outings.
GET CARTER – 7/10 – Big man, big forwards (head and shoulders above him), big game. And he seemed to relish the imminent earth-shattering contact every time a high ball was disputed, like one of those mad nutters who runs with the bulls in Pamplona. Today, Livi’s bulls got a doing, and Carter will be eating their balls for dinner.
CALMAC – 6/10 – The skip’s punched in a belter of a strike here before, same end; Our oldest servant was still carrying the curse, it seemed, as the pen and the sitter mocked our hope. But ultimately, he wasn’t to be denied a win, even if he couldn’t exert the influence he’d have liked.
❌ OFF THE POST ❌
Celtic captain Callum McGregor steps up for the penalty but his effort crashes off the post! pic.twitter.com/pLCxnG4Gqt
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022
ROGIC – 8/10 – Anti-football Arena, meet the Messiah. Sunny as home, and it brought out the best in Oz. On such a ridiculously unpredictable pitch he just looked like Nureyev performing Swan Lake on ice. Movement and touch and deft release was an art form before yer eyes. How you find such grace and guile skiting around on that is down to intangible talent.
BLOCKCHAIN – 8.5/10 MOTM – And for every maestro, there’s an assistant. On a pitiless artificial environment who better to introduce than a half-human, half-coded assassin? Never wasted a ball, and wasted plenty of the opposition as he held the Celtic artistry together and built the victory podium with the best holding midfield performance of the season. Outstanding, match-winning display.
0-3 | GOAL! ⚽
Celtic’s James Forrest fires into the bottom corner from Jota’s through ball pic.twitter.com/6yKh9kqmVo
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022
JAMESY – 7/10 – The consternation as Jamesy got the starting jersey, lol. An obvious metaphysical ploy to cancel out his nippy wee brother on the other side – resulting in a zero-sum game, leaving it 10v10. And once Alan had started greetin’ on the phone to his Mum about big brother not letting him play, Jamesy went to town with the big boys in a scintillating second-half that sealed the deal for us and produced his finest goal since he lashed one in against Lazio in Rome; tremendous run to ‘flash’ onto his standing leg then produce a finish worthy of Henrik, angling it back across the keeper somehow…Somehow? Well, we all know what he swung at it to get that impact. Don’t we girls? Evidenced by his non-celebration; hands busy tucking.
🗣️ “We knew it was going to be a tough game but credit to everyone”
Man of the match, James Forrest, praises Celtic’s performance as they finally end their Livingston curse and reclaim that three point lead in the Scottish Premiership title race 👇 pic.twitter.com/5QuL8MvWNZ
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022
🔥 𝑭 𝑶 𝑹 𝑹 𝑬 𝑺 𝑻 🔥
What a performance, Jamesy! 👏#LIVCEL | #cinchPrem | #COYBIG🍀 pic.twitter.com/ZtnmDOv7JD
— Celtic Football Club (@CelticFC) March 6, 2022

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7.5/10 – How troublesome. Much speculation about his inclusion – do we need a big man down the middle? Turned out our roadrunner brought enough havoc to their big men at the back to fully justify his start. And he nicked in for that precious opener right after the misses.
0-1 | GOAL! ⚽
Celtic take the lead with a 17th minute goal from Maeda! pic.twitter.com/EbfuoP13Cb
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022
NOTEBOOK – 6.5/10 – After he found his footing, it began to look like he might be destructor-in-chief. But they focussed on him heavily to quieten the threat after the break.
SUBS:
SON OF JACKIE – N/A – Came on for a rumble, put himself around well.
HAKUNA HATATE – N/A – Most of Japan is made of plastic so he felt at home with a quiet cameo that allowed Little Nicky to book him for….
THE BUILDER – N/A – The right guy to throw in there, as he’s a lego afficionado.
ABADASS – N/A – Everyone’s non-Jamesy social media choice got a late gig replacing the correct choice.
ANITA DOBSON – 8/10 – It’s been an emotional few days for Ange, a rough time after hearing Neighbours will be cancelled in the summer after 40 years. But he pulled himself together and put away the Kylie albums to focus on this trickiest of tricky tasks. Once bitten, twice shy. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame…fool…shucks, now watch this drive. Anyway, September follies gave way to the ides of March and the boss threw a spinner in memory of Warney that had everyone puzzled. Then all the controversial picks went and did the business and big Ange looked on with a, ‘Yup’. Totally justified.
🗣️ “This group of players, whatever challenge they’ve had, they’ve overcome and they continue to overcome”
Ange Postecoglou congratulates his team as Celtic ended their 15-year wait for a victory at Livingston 👇 pic.twitter.com/tU8uj7pYca
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022
MIBBERY – 3/10 – Little Nicky jumped the shark and awarded the Bhoys a penalty! Then denied another. Then threw some yellows around to try and keep him on the goat gang bang committee.

OVERALL – 8.5/10 – They think it’s all over… It isn’t. Plastic waste just refuses to decompose and we’ll likely be back there after the split, because they’re a troublesome outfit who carry a better physical set-piece threat than most in the Scottish Premiership. The last Celtic manager to win a league game at Livingston, Martin O’Neill, turned 70 this week – an omen. Which also makes him 7 times older than theRangers. And the curse was lifted, with as much style as we could have hoped for on a day of joyous relief. We met their combative side with steel, and stayed true to the Angeball philosophy of shifting it quick, looking forward, trying to make transitions count. Apart from the lapse for their scrambled goal which dragged residual tension through the final twenty minutes, this was a perfect plastic performance – long overdue and absolutely timeous.
🗣️ “Celtic probably deserved the three points but the two refereeing decisions probably don’t help us”
Livingston manager, David Martindale, is unhappy about Celtic’s first two goals 👇 pic.twitter.com/KfoiFQiL6R
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 6, 2022
Now the Bhoys get a week’s break to put their feet up with popcorn and watch some Zombies get kicked around Belgrade while we anticipate a final eight games of epic drama. Tenterhooks time.
Enjoy.
Go Away Now.
Sandman
Bitton was superb .. on the ground, but was posted missin twice when they hit the bar & when they scored, left his man & didnae even jump. Not MotM quality that imo. Thought Ralston deseved better points as his deliveries time & again cause problems, whereas JJ just has problems with his deliveries.
Great ratings as ever though.
Superb victory & mare Euro hangovers await for Them.
Oor after match highlight the Sandman Ratings, keep up the good work!
HH
Ps. Maeda’s best game so far: his touch getting better & his link up play improving .. he looks to be settling in at last & his confidence improving