Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic at Tanning Salon

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ TANNING SALON…

“We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
The wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does…”

Ray Bolder & Judy Garland, from the musical ‘Tom Rogic’.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Joe Hart of Celtic applauds the supporters. Photo by Vagelis Georgariou

ROXIE – 6.5/10 – Wahey! Gal opens the show by getting everyone’s blood racing with some brinkmanship that almost backfires. Just another day at the Joe Show, and just another day for our rock between the sticks who amended for his mishit with a couple of stunning distance pings second-half to set us off on counters.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Greg Taylor of Celtic on the ball. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 – I toasted his return to action with a couple of his sausage rolls for breakfast – the ideal hangover medication; that, and another pint. Like his fare, the performance was competent, consistent and well worth 2 quid. But I suspect he’ll be lifting a bit more than that.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Josip Juranovic of Celtic on the ball. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

JURAN JURAN – 6.5/10 – Ninety minutes in his natural position and we get a confident, cocky Croatian turning in a self-assured match. Looks like he means business, good attitude to compliment his international class.

GET CARTER – 6.5/10 – Big mhan makes a welcome return after being rested midweek in case he hurt anybody. Solid, uncompromising, almost scored; only wish he’d properly sorted out the United would-be assassin.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Carl Starfelt of Celtic on the ball. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

STAR LORD – 6.5/10 – Saved from ignomy by the spectral racoon screaming in his head as he dithered and almost let them in right after we’d taken the lead. You could see on his face, thereafter, the raging internal
dialogue with the invisible pest he thought he’d shaken off. Thankfully, this relapse kept Star Lord well on his toes and we got a continuation of Thursday’s efficient defensive play. Well done, Rocket.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Photo Vagelis Georgariou

CALMAC – 8/10 – How outstanding can one skipper be? Like Chaplin in The Great Dictator, Calmac plays his role with comic mastery, not just bursting into frequent footballing song, but appearing from the ether to clean up messy defensive situations with gleeful prescience.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Photo Vagelis Georgariou

EDDIE TURNBULL – 8.5/10 – Maybe one of the ugliest ballerinas I’ve ever seen but his pirouette to score deserved the Desmond Tutu Award (see what I did there, fans of Swan Lake and South African theologians?)
for invention. As with someone of Eddie T’s vintage, you get a mix of fleck’s sake, and fleck’s sake! Some splendid moments and some frustrating lapses. But overall, his contribution to Celtic’s dominance of games is increasing exponentially. Terrific yesterday.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Tom Rogic of Celtic on the ball. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

ROGIC – 9/10 MOTM – Oz is a beautiful man, and I say that with no requirement to unfurl a rainbow flag whatsoever. A beautiful man playing beautiful, beautiful football. Man of The Match for me simply due to that ability he possesses to drift in from another dimension as players around him mire in the moment. With a move reminiscent of the late, magical Treble-winning stroke of his Van Gogh footballing brush, he both lifted this game above a testy struggle for a breakthrough and beyond United’s resolute opposition. Home hearts broke, mental edifices crumbled, our jaws dropped, breaths gasped and Oz simply jogged back to the centre with a rueful smile. It was simply artistry deserving of a Keats poem. And it wasn’t the only gilded sequence of his time on the park; Oz on his game is a sumptuous treat. And a match winner. And if we keep him fit and protected, may well become yet another title winner.

JAMESY – 5/10 – Damn, Jamesy, not again… suspicious absence after the break as we suspect an injury recurrence. It did look for a while that he might be warming up towards having a scintillating game but end-product and choices continually let him down, culminating in a farcical moment when he tried to make contact
to score but tripped over his own third-leg and fell on his backside. Should have tucked it away, Jamesy. And the ball too.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Liam Scales of Celtic celebrates his goal making it 3-0 in the 81st minute. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

MIKEY J – 6.5/10 – New nineties-style Mikey looked to have added some Oasis-esque aggression and swagger to his game in parts that subjugated the sand-dancing simp elements. Gave a genuine threat from our left with a good 75% positivity and less of the hesitant checking-back that drains your will to live. In balance, worthy
of his inclusion.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Kyogo Furuhashi of Celtic is blocked by Benjamin Siegrist of Dundee United. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

MR.KOBAYASHI – 7/10 – The honourable samurai did everything but score. Eventually emerging from the tangerine forest like some Japanese fable, his perpetual motion wore down their superglue approach and he
started to find space and cause havoc. Deserved one, and should have buried either of two second-half
chances to ice another fine display. Yoku yatta, Koyogo-San.

SUBS:

ABADASS – 6/10 – An interesting Abadass 45 minutes – playing with more conservative discipline; getting back to basics which served him well. Less wasteful and grew in impact which nearly brought him a goal.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Photo Vagelis Georgariou

…OF JUSTICE – 6.5/10 – A fine way to make your Cinch Premiership debut – guiding in a sweet finish in front of the away fans; kid got the perfect Celtic-moment Christmas wish granted.


BLOCKCHAIN – N/A – A cameo he could have managed with his eyes shut. Didn’t need to take the slippers off; easy win-bonus money.

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Celtic Manager Angelos Postecoglou holds up a scarf thrown to him by a fan after the win

ANITA DOBSON – 8/10 – Angeball has its skeptics but with every passing game – and passing move – we see that this one-dimensional-yet-multi-dimensional tactic has enough about it to oppress the majority of domestic opponents into frutiless servitude to the dark God of incessant dogging (No, Jamesy). For us, it is a thing of promise and excitement as we thrill to the dynamism; for those on the receiving end, it’s a physically and mentally sapping problem to contain or counter. PSG did it to us at Celtic Park in 2017, now we’re utilising the same sort of beguiling total-football movement to revolutionise our recent poor footballing culture and emerge a different, vibrant entity. So far, so pretty good.

MIBERRY – 4/10 – We out-played the nefarious goat-pumper and Master Robertson’s efforts were reduced to one filthy moment of ignorance as United’s hobo hitman attempted to break Eddie T’s leg. Another straight red in any incarnation of the game anywhere else on the planet, rewarded here with another honest miss-take. Luckily, Celtic are allowed to wear shin pads until the SFA decree otherwise; don’t think it hasn’t crossed their narrow wee bitter minds…

5th December 2021; Tannadice Park, Dundee, Scotland: Scottish Premier League football, Dundee United versus Celtic: Photo Vagelis Georgariou

OVERALL – 8/10 – A tricky fixture. About which, anxiety lested barely twenty minutes or so until the Wizard of Oz cast a spell over the game. Then we played with guile and a smile. Deserved the win, deserved it by more than the three we got. But who’s going to complain about that after so convincingly slaying the same team who held us at Paradise.

Now everybody gets a rest and we play the Ghirls against Betis while the Bhoys prepare to halt the league’s  top scorer Tony ‘Barry Norman’ Watt on Sunday after the two sets of cousins  have savaged each other to death at lunchtime.

That’s the plan, surely? Over to you, Fran Alonso…

Go Away Now.

Sandman

Celtic FC Manager, Fran Alonso punches the air in delight following his sides 1-0 victory during the Scottish Womens Premier League Cup Final match between Glasgow City FC & Celtic FC at Firhill Stadium, Maryhill, Scotland on 5 December 2021.

About Author

The Celtic Star founder and editor, who has edited numerous Celtic books over the past decade or so including several from Lisbon Lions, Willie Wallace, Tommy Gemmell and Jim Craig. Earliest Celtic memories include a win over East Fife at Celtic Park and the 4-1 League Cup loss to Partick Thistle as a 6 year old. Best game? Easy 4-2, 1979 when Ten Men Won the League. Email editor@thecelticstar.co.uk

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