SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v SAINT JACK NICKLAUS…
“God Bless us, every hooped one!” – Tiny Ti.
🎄🎁 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘜𝘯𝘪𝘲𝘶𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦
The perfect present from the Champions as our Japanese Bhoys seal the win in Paradise!
Merry Christmas Celts, when it comes 🧑🎄#CELSTJ | @CelticFC | #COYBIG🍀 pic.twitter.com/q7LV5vHkuB
— Celtic TV (@CelticTV) December 24, 2022
ROXIE – 6.5/10 – Nothing much to disturb Joe’s wrapping, then a moment of spontaneity produces a marvellous double-save that sadly didn’t become a treble and deny their consolation. No Christmas clean sheet for the big hero.
GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 – Played with a rueful smile as much of his industry wasn’t fruitful and promising situations broke down; bit like hot sausage rolls in his shops being left to cool and idiots in the queue wanting vegan phish holding up the hungry meat (well, pseudo-meat…) eaters wanting an after-match warm-up…Still, terrific consistency, much like the heat that’ll hold for fifteen minutes if you get a spanking new bake in time…
STAR LORD – 6.5/10 – What’s this? A team that will try and have a go? Useful tuning for the oft wayward Galaxy-saving marauder as he gets back from injury and looks towards testing away games. Well, one; Hibs are bouncing back like Alan Partridge after a choc binge. The one after that? Mockerney-Cockerney market stall mince…But Star Lord acquited himself well enough, looking decently focussed and pointedly dealing with everything coming his way.
GET CARTER – 6.5/10 – It’s going to be a tough Christmas dinner in the big man’s party den – the ignomy of taking a yellow for felling a 70s prog rock band sleazy roadie will take some getting over for a World Cup galactico. That forgiven, his general presence and footwork was exemplary.
HAKUNA HATATE – 7.5/10 MOTM – Today, honourable Japanese interchangeable component will cover the
feited ass of The Tiger, and in doing so, plank in a brace and be the cultured, committed outstanding performer of the revered day before the western messiah celebration turkey cull. Many blessings. Yakshemash.
CALMAC – 7/10 – Wrastled (sic) like a rodeo-born cattle wrangler midweek to harness a disjointed second-half midfield. Today, with Aussie Coolhand Luke beside him the tempo was more restrained in the deep centre and Calmac took advantage of the extra security to stroke it around at his leisure; to you and me that’s park kickabout – to him that’s game-winning metronomic control.
THE BUILDER – 5.5/10 – Can’t click, won’t click – it’s been a frustrating couple of matches for Son Of Rogic. And you can see the frustration gnawing away as he tries to force the issue. A fine example of the old fine margins cliche – he’s but a touch off a killer pass, a mental jab off a goal. Like a forgotten Ryan Kent at a charity Adopt A Goth event, it’s just not happening for him.
MOOEY – 6.5/10 – Messi means nothing to him; another fly swatted. Yul Brynner of the Gallowgate patrolled the mid like a seasoned veteran gunslinger, no nonsense competence allowing the victory to be built on uncompromising foundations.
LORD KATSUMOTO – 6/10 – Buzzbomb incoming, flashed the warning in the Saints war-room and they never quite adjusted to the persistence of his inevitability. Neither did we, though, and the space he had due to their willingness to push forward wasn’t really exploited properly.
KILLER MUSHROOM – 7/10 – Like I said, Wednesday – he’s getting there with more and more frequency. Did anyone see a replay of the header that seemed to knock over a bovril in the front row before being deemed not to have crossed the line? At the time of writing, I’ve yet to see clarification but y’know, maybe the software
‘wasn’t working’… Then, no matter- bang, in he nipped (no pun intended, racist m’fckrs…) and stabbed home a killer, much as with his movement v Livi; textbook, unstoppable, deadly. Got the feeling that if the service keeps coming, he’s revving up for a spectacular scoring run that’ll put the title within touching distance before the Zombies sacrifice the only virgin in Mordor (Lundstram) to Persephone, Goddess of the spring.
JAMESY – 6/10 – Not as spectacular as expected, given his record against the Perth outfit that reads a bit like Ted Bundy’s rap sheet, but quietly effective; popped up here and there and was always on offer with clever runs that dragged their defensive shape around. We got a good 60 minutes out of him, which isn’t bad on Christmas Eve – a late festive-period time when Jamesy may traditionally describe himself as being ‘hoor-tired’ by now.
SUBS –
SON OF JACKIE – N/A – Big rumbling son of a kefefs got on and got in about them but with nothing much to show for it.
ABADASS – N/A – Midweek star mysteriously benched after Ange disgruntlement. The day’s most mystifying selection issue made a fleeting, teasing appearance well down the line and we still wonder if he’s being saved or deprived.
EDDIE TURNBULL – N/A – On and off. The last victim of VAR at Celtic Park for the year gets a red for flashing his knickerbockers at the keeper. You couldn’t make up the mince they try to pass off as ‘adjudication’.
HACKY SACK – N/A – Another surprise non-starter but got the feeling he’ll be playing a big role in the festive fun over the next ten days.
NOTEBOOK – N/A – Ineffectual, flouncing about, thinking of Xmas number 1s and the number 2s he’ll be expected to destroy on the 2nd.
ANITA DOBSON – 7.5/10 – So Ange wasn’t really too chuffed with the Livi show and threatened to get tough and did so by… Dropping Wednesday’s best player. Much raising of eyebrows over pints and murmured shrugs about ‘masterplans’, etc. But whatever gifts the big Aussie Walking Boss requested of his charges, he got early delivery. Game dusted properly this time. Angeball vindicated and a second 45 to drop the gears and think about stuffing; not the standard turkeys – the d’oranje ones Tuesday week.
MIBBERY – 4/10 – Little Britain tried to flag out the 4th and I thought I’d seen the most cretinous attempt to disrupt Tim flow this month since… Well, Wednesday… Until the cringeworthy dismissal of a geriatric who managed to skim his boot ‘chest’ high on a keeper diving forward and down. The sheer grasping, teeth-grinding zombiey it takes to call that decision at the very nadir of a contest well over, is a classic example of the bitterness they hold within their rotting hearts and makes every sip of title-winning Stella I take taste like honey nectar from the tumescent nipple of Aphrodite herself. Roon yeez. Again.
OVERALL – 8/10 – More like it. Expectant vibes all around and the Bhoys rollin the stripey sleigh to dish out Xmas cheer and a skelping for the farmhands. The engine got a service Thursday and Friday and was ticking
over sweetly by Saturday lunchtime. St.Johnstone did themselves credit by leaving the bus in the car park and attempting to get forward. Kept us on our toes and made us play for the win from early; no grind, no labour – Celtic snapped into action and gooses, turkeys, hams and countryfiles got cooked.
The predictable VAR drama was at a minimum and late, and was risible spite rather than despicable sabotage; that’s what Stein told us, and what Ange has learnt – outscore them all, officialdom included,
and they’ll have no answer. Enjoy yer days of merriment. Top of the Xmas tree by nine points and a million goals to the good; golden days indeed. Relish these times as we roll into what could be a title-defining week ahead. It might be the most wonderful time of year, but the tune playing in the background to our games now is Zadoc The Priest.
Merry Christmas, one and all. Well, except you depraved heathens (You know who you are…).
Slainte.
Go Away Now Merrily
Sandman.
Celtic better score a couple of quick goals at Liebrox because we have been warned,a few times now,we are going to get the square root of hee haw against the plucky newcomers on the 2nd,from the ranks of what we laughingly call officials.
12 v 4 fouls ? Not the game I was at.
The six committed four himself.