Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Salem’s Lot v Celtic

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Arne Engels of Celtic
Arne Engels of Celtic. Falkirk v Celtic, Scottish Premiership, Falkirk Stadium, 14 January 2026. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

THE TERMINATOR – 5/10 – Willing to scrap to scrape us to a victory. From the first minute, Arne’s main hinderance in open play was his left boot. And his right one. He cut a clumsy figure, unable to get to proper grips with his touch or footing. He had plenty of company. But his saving grace was his delivery of dead balls; just get one right on the money and we’ve got a chance of snatching the points. And he did. And we did.

Callum McGregor of Celtic
Callum McGregor of Celtic. Falkirk v Celtic, Scottish Premiership, Falkirk Stadium, 14 January 2026. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

CALMAC – 5.5/10 – Good luck controlling the game on a park you can’t control the ball for more than a couple of touches. But the skipper persevered, performing his secondary main role very well – keeping his charges’ heads in the game and with that, our chances of winning it.

Benjamin Nygren of Celtic applauds the fans
Benjamin Nygren of Celtic applauds the fans after the Scottish Premiership match between Falkirk and Celtic at Falkirk Stadium on January 14, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
Benjamin Nygren celebrates.
Benjamin Nygren celebrates. Falkirk v Celtic, Scottish Premiership, Falkirk Stadium, 14 January 2026. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

NYLON – 6/10 – LMAO, you can’t keep a lucky bloke down. Whatever his faffing about like one of the three stooges on fentanyl, he retains that precious gift of scoring when least expected. Tonight he deflected in a deep corner with his receding hairline as he somehow managed to get on the end of it despite being gangbanged by a handful of brawny Falkirkians. Must now retain his place for comical Swedish goalscoring brilliance; the Temu King Of Kings.

Continues on the next page…

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About Author

The Celtic Star founder and editor David Faulds has edited numerous Celtic books over the past decade or so including several from Lisbon Lions, Willie Wallace, Tommy Gemmell and Jim Craig. Earliest Celtic memories include a win over East Fife at Celtic Park and the 4-1 League Cup loss to Partick Thistle as a 6 year old. Best game? Easy 4-2, 1979 when Ten Men Won the League. Email editor@thecelticstar.co.uk

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1 Comment

  1. I disagree with all your appraisals with the exception of :- Schmeical and Scales . It’s a sad fact that a team like Celtic are second best in every department , to Falkirk .
    Falkirk , under the tutorage of John McLynne have better , fitter , more skillful players than a club like Celtic . The only difference is that the Falkirk players are paid a fraction of what our ” Duds” are paid .
    The Falkirk players were first to every ball and at times you would have thought it was :- Manchester City or Barcelona v’s Celtic . This is how far we have regressed in the last few years ; so the BOARD and BR. should be held to account for Celtic’s monumental decline . We need serious changes at board level and throughout the whole club when Martin O’Neil leaves . What has happened when we have an Academy which hasn’t produced a decent player in years ? What is going on ; when , so called Professional players , cannot beat opponents ,cannot shoot, cannot play a final ball , cannot score penalties nor score from free-kicks ? Our club , despite its wealth is run like an amateur out-fit . Can nobody , at the club see that :- McGregor , Teirney and Hetate are past their sell-buy date ; Engals is over-rated and a waste of money ; Neigren (despite his goals) ; McCowan , Yang and Kenny are simply not ” Celtic Class “. It pains me to critiise Celtic players but the reset button needs to be pressed . Martin O’Neill will be a miracle worker if he manages to win anything with these players .I hope , I am very , very wrong .