SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ The Hot Gates
“We Deserve Better”. The Onion Bears since 2012. And the Green Brigade.
“I better get what I want, or I’ll thkweem and thkweem until I’m thick.” Violet Elizabeth Bott. And the Green Brigade.
“Now do you love us, Daddy?!! NOW do you love us!!?” The Green Brigade.
BANE – 5/10
From supervillain tearing up Gotham to Keystone Cop farting around in Prague. Handling and feet were spot-on, until his Beckenbauer fit.
DREXL – 6.5/10
Damn, Clarence, you’r egoing to have to try hard to subdue this one- a fine footballer committed to the cause is a rare loanee attribute; we got one
HAT ATTACK – 5.5/10
One Israeli undercover operative for another. His infamous aberration in the CL haunts his dreams – and ours – but do we get reverberations in his sporadic appearances since? Still looked uneasy and not at peace with himself.
AJER – 4/10
Did he ease on the battle-fever at the sight of big JC beside him? Responsibility has been his matra as he took a grip of the defence on his own but tonight he was absently abysmal.
JULLIEN CLARY – 5.5/10
A welcome sight to see the grandoise Skelping NBA stopper mince back into commanding central defence. But aside from looking solid in challenges, he was rusty, and not helped by his cohorts as we slept, ball-watching at their first and leaving it to everyone else at their second. Will need a couple of games to get his head right and make his presence tell.
BROON – 6/10
It’s easy to overrun Broon. Less so when his midfield accomplices are functioning properly around him. Too often the keyboard Steins see only Broon being left isolated. But you ARE seeing Broon. Because nobody else is attmepting to do the spade work. Second 45 it changed – Sam J, Calmac, Corpus more on it, Broon more dominant. Then he tired, left, and backsides collapsed.
CALMAC – 6/10
Still not the Calmac we need – so tidy and consistent but we’re used to a dynamo with game-changing potential.
Particularly in Europe, he’s the mhan by which we have over-achieved in the recent past. Tonight, meh…
CORPUS – 5.5/10
Took our first corner in the 4th minute and passed it back to the halfway line. Scuffed the second on 7 minutes, didn’t even make the 6-yard box. Kind of set the scene for his night – close things, shots wide, runs just a fraction out. It’s a fine line between omnipotence and irrelevance for Corpus on nights like these.
SAM JACKSON – 5/10
Muthutucka didn’t seem interested for the first twenty minutes – maybe even less than compatriot Eddy, mood observers? And if you’re not warmed up to the contest you’re bound to sclaff a glorious chance wide after half an hour, Muthutucka. Livened up considerably second-half like someone spiked his half-time Chicken Royale. But we were chasing the game and the Muthutucka’s renewed energy didn’t quite compensate for his overall poor execution. Ultimately, sleeping for the third as runner blew past him. We need 90 minutes of a Muthutucka up for aggro, not some notional participation.
ELSHAGYONLASSIE – 3/10
Did he turn up? Well, the subtle craft of his clever slipped pass to release Eddy for the opener hinted at a memorable night. But then we got periphery Elshag, floating around the edges of the game like Griff around a nightclub dancefloor, trying to pick his moment to strike but after that first frisson of hope, it was a night on knock-backs. Again.
FRENCH EDDY – 6.5/10 MOTM
Not intetrested? Well, not interested in anything but scoring. Turned the defender into a curly-wurly and left the keeper flailing like a Platoon extra. Agonising miss from 6 yards as he failed to switch his feet in time; an equaliser then and we win. However, imagine if we gave him more service and support…
SUBS:
ROGIC – 4/10
A footballer who exhibits the gothic splendour of Prague, only not tonight. Strangely anonymous as he replaced Broon with time to do some damage.
🗣️ "I don't think it's a major football issue, it's more psychological than anything else"…
Neil Lennon has "no reason" to believe Celtic cannot turn around their form, despite a second 4-1 defeat by Sparta Prague ending their European hopes.https://t.co/pKg2Ii5py4 pic.twitter.com/eLb9qKJaM6
— BBC Sport Scotland (@BBCSportScot) November 26, 2020
LENNONY – 6/10
The embattled leader of the Celtic pack; threatened, abused, derided, victimised and hunted – and the opposing supports don’t like him much either.
In a week when Faithful Through And Through became Faithful Through The Autumn and Over And Over became Over And Out, it’s perhaps fortunate he doesn’t have a league game so we don’t have to witness scenes outside paradise like the Blackadder witch trials (series 1 episode 5).
Must be bemused after that one – we should have won it, looked in control… Chucked it 1-4. Will expect a lot of
the hysterical element to be asking Lennony to chuck it now, too…
P.S Want to sign a player of your own in January, Lennony? If you’re still around… – Sparta’s No.7 Karlsson. Anagram-ish of Larsson, can play a bit; get him in…
OVERALL – 6/10
So in this week that the most magnificent party animal the footballing world has ever seen passes away far too young, a man born in slums who used his natural talent to take him to the very top of the beautiful game, to global acclaim, to win a World Cup as single-handed as you’ll ever see; a very definitive LEGEND…
In this week, the most entitled generation of Celtic fans ever seen storms the gates of Paradise whining their discontent to the world via their own soiled bedsheets. Because they’re unhappy with the way things are going for one of our own legends. After 13 games of a 38 game season. Yeah… Changed days…
As for tonight – well, bewilder me with your bluster; I though we did the business second-half, hemmed them in, looked like winning it, then got sucker-punched due to some Wacky Races antics at the back.
Midfield forward we were buzzing. Still maintain two up front gives us the title. Still give not a toss about Europe; and now the team’s in tandem.
Diego Armando Maradona. A boy who NEVER played a game where the opposition didn’t try to kick and stifle him, a man who NEVER played a game in anything but a cauldron of adoration and/or hate. A character who NEVER wasted an ounce of the talent (or Charlie..) he was born with. Lived to the max. Lit up the world.
And what a strange, weird life it must have been – to know that of all the human beings on the planet who ever set foot on a pitch or kicked a ball in earnest, YOU were the Greatest Of All Time.
RIP D10S.
Sandman. Done With Europe.
