Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic at Salem’s Lot

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ SALEM’S LOT

“There is no such thing as freedom of choice, unless there is freedom to refuse,” David Hume

“Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear,” George Orwell

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 9/10 MOTM – He’s no stranger to plastic – Denmark invented Lego – and it was hoped Kasper would have enough time to build the Lego Jaws set he got for his birthday on Tuesday. Instead, he faced the most shots a Celtic keeper has domestically in over a decade. Just as well he had plenty practice in Dortmund then…

It was a Joe-Hart-turning-back-the-years performance for the ages. Just getting better as he gets older? From the first early fizzing, dipping nasty strike, to the marvellous left arm scoop to stop a certainty, or playing pinball with his feet, he was the total goalkeeper. You can’t throw an elbow at Kasper, either, because he’ll not crumple in a heap – he’ll be in yer face like Ragnar Lothbrok, he’ll stare you down and call you out; He’ll mess you up, bro…

Just ask the Killie kitman all about that when he comes to do oversized hobbit Donnelly’s laundry. The stench… And as if all the above wasn’t enough, news broke from France that Zinedine Zidane had turned in his medals after Kasper pulled a ‘ZZ’ to gild a points-winning display. Outstanding.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 5.5/10 – Greggs is worshiped in Kilmarnock; the Greggs shop, that is. When he played here they believed him to be the Son Of The Food God, so took his move to – ironically – Paradise not as ascension to a higher plane of football existence, but as sacrilege.

Now, anticipating his returns, local witches curse him, junkies are sacrificed, and straw effigies are burned at stakes across Killie; An English documentary crew turned up on the fifth of November to film at various locations around the town as wild fires blazed and fireworks lit the night sky. “Are celebrations always this crazy on Bonfire Night?” they asked. ‘Whit’s that, uh? it’s jist Tuesday, mate.’ was the blanket response.

So today ‘The Heretic’ was again castigated loudly from the sparsely-populated home stands. And it seemed, unusually, to spook him; bit ragged as they opened up his flank too often. Took him a while to settle but no worse than many others. And you know he won’t hide; so no surprise BR trusted him to see out the 90.

⏪ An action-packed game in Ayrshire as Celtic beat Kilmarnock 2-0 ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/8y3UcQlBhH

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) November 10, 2024

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