Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic at Salem’s Lot

SUBS –

SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – Just the right rangy battler to throw in here. Surprised he didn’t appear earlier.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Another scrapper with skill we might’ve used for ten minutes more than he got (or all game…); almost scored a beauty.

KILLER MUSHROOM – 6/10 – Thankfully, we eventually got some guile down the middle. A proper handful to occupy their bruisers and the wee mhan deserved a goal; thwarted by a good stop.

JAMESY – N/A – ‘Yeez fancy it?’ Jamesy did, poppping on and giving them headaches as he used his experience to stifle their late ambitions.

TONY THE TIGER – N/A – The only name on the lips to answer any Celtic conundrum that requires a scrapper to hold the fort. Or maintain a defensive wall; send in The Brickie.

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 7/10 – You know he thought this might be tricky; CL fatigue and a known stumbling block for a Rodgers’ side. So Idah came in as with the May title-clincher to offer direct options. The gameplan just did not get functioning.

However, the Plan B so absent most of last season, has surfaced this time round like an imposing Dune spacecraft rising out the ocean; we CAN defend when the going is tough. And with belief. So Killie get Brodged in a different manner. And he gets to see a different aspect to his system given a rigid examination. He’ll be happy, if not thrilled, to get through unscathed and hit a rest period before the mad intensity of the next
two months.

MIBBERY – 5/10 – A mixed bag of goat keys; who’s picking them out? Little Nick couldn’t seem to make up his mind about letting Celtic players get kicked around or thudded in the face; his soyboy-lord linesman certainly could – pulled off a double when flagging a shy against us, incredibly, then being overruled, then ‘missing’ Arne getting chopped off the ball about a masonic handshake’s length in front of him seconds later. And VAR… Stunning lapse to fail to send off Reo, but I suspect because the game was gone. Are they all losing hope so early?

OVERALL – 6/10 – Enjoy the big Tuesday CL show? Then welcome to Salem’s Lot…Leipzig was such a perfect moment, the motivation for visiting darkest Zombieshire was no easy ask.Hands up who wants to play on the recyled brillo pads from Hell’s Kitchen? And just as The Hoops elevate Scottish Football from Fast Food to Fine Dining by blitzing some bratwursts, along comes the SFA to spit on the entrees and grant a year’s further extension to the diabolical landscape of Rugger-Buggers Park.

Deek McInnes bears that demeanour of an ex-con just out on parole, but required to wear a remote controlled electric-shock butt-plug as penance. He brings such brutal grievance to his teams’ attitude – a scrap to the death it was. But the Bhoys handled it well, in a perverted way. Not had such a stern domestic trial in a decade, the game falling into a scrappy sluggers’ sideshow after we failed to pin them back early.

And you really know you’re struggling when you find yourself aggressively celebrating your goalkeeper’s saves. But it was, after a great run of testing fixtures, just one of those days when grit, luck and individual flair can make it one to remember when the title points are counted.

And at ths time of year again – poppy-nazi outrage Sunday – what a delightful frustrating win it was to revel in as a Celtic community choir ignited fires under the entitled-righteous who would censor the free will of those who choose to sing over silence. Not boo. Not shout. Just sing.

So…

Let the people sing.

Go Away Now

Sandman

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