SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ ST.MIRNOFF
“Boxing Day in Paisley – so named after the tradition of sending the weans out into the street to fight to the death for Christmas dinner leftovers, tiding the warring tribes of Feegie through the next year. This year, so-named ‘Thunderdome Thursday’ as playground climbing frames are meshed together to form the spacious arena in which battle will be done, announced by master of ceremonies, a cross-dressing Chick Young in a Tina Turner wig who will conduct
proceedings from atop the dome, high enough for him to see Ibrox…”
The Scottish Tourist Board Guidebook, ‘Chapter 666: The Charms Of Renfrewshire Paganism’
THE WALL – 6.5/10
More feet that fists – attempted to punch centre-forward’s head off but missed. Luckily his eye was in for some long hits and his footwork was spot-on to offer a backward option to the St.Mirnoff high press. Saved Big Clary’s skin with a fine block. Wrong-footed for their goal.
JAMIE FOXX – 6/10
What ya gonna get? Not a Christmas-stocking question, but tension around Jamie as he canters onto the ball. Yet again his running was tireless and the greater percentage of his involvement positive for us. Point off for going down like a big Lafferty after tangling with Mr.T.
AJER – 6.5/10
Ragnarok is coming – Sunday pre-battle warm-up gave him a chance to stretch the legs and young Ironside loves a stroll into the middle. Very effective at backing up the midfield like a second-wave attack to maintain mental
pressure on strung-out defences. Dug in well as big JC wen all Francais around him late on.
JULLIEN CLARY – 6/10
Immaculate interventions to negate every dangerous-looking ball zipping at us for the first half hour, timed perfectly. Once we had the lead, their intentions lessend from John Leslie to Mr.Darcy and he relaxed. Too much.
Minor flashpoint when winded by B.A Baracus, then he lost him, nearly lost a goal, DID concede and deflect in their free-kick, and should have scored a header in an eventful second period as he flaked out a bit. Oh la-la, big
homme, take it out on Les Animaux come ce dimanche.
PINGPONG – 6.5/10
Likes a run does the Firecracker Kid. His pace is a marvellous outlet and a troublesome handful for leaden-footed defenders already struggling to cope with Jasmesy and Eddy. Another committed, industrious game from him, without
spectacular results. Battered into ground by local debt-collector early second-half to warrant anxiety; Ironically, Sunday may be easier as he will find more space to exploit.
BROON – 7.5/10 MOTM
They double-teamed him, sending in sleekit Gollum and obsequious Tory-felcher Ross with hopes of contriving a red for a Sunday sit-out. Broony kept the heid and kept control of an erratic midfield. As we slackened off and lost momentum the skipper came into his own – some great moments to break up play, retain possession and generally hold the fort
while the creatives struggled. Thought he’d been wounded late on under a high, red-card challenge, but of course you’re not getting penalised for injuring Broon in this country. And in any case he was back up and growling; you’ll need an axe to stop him going head-to-heid with the Zombies. Got us through to the win. Again.
CALMAC – 7/10
Hit and miss, then miss and hit as he played a one-two with the post to bang in our opener. Looked more dangerous today than the past couple of months, just not 100% on top of his quick-passing game to leverage space often enough. It does augur well for 2019’s final game, tho. He’s going to be buzzing.
SAM JACKSON – 6.5/10
Know what they call me in France, Muthuas? ‘Lille’s new signing…’. Well, we’ll muthu****in see about THAT, Muthuas. Today them giro-gangsters got about upsetting this Muthua, who hustled and tussled and beat down on them muthuas a lot more than he might have thought necessary. However, Muthka didn’t wilt like recent games – stayed in the thick of it as they rallied, almost killed it with a rasper well saved. Will them daym uglies feel the righteous wrath of a departing Muthua this weekend? It’s set up. Say what?
CORPUS CHRISTIE – 6.5/10
Vatican yesterday. Breakfast with El Papa before signing autographs in the sunny square. Got loads of birthday presents… So Boxing Day on a cold Paisley afternoon was purgatory. Coped well, sweeping across their lines, lots of guile on display but not a lot was coming off. Then he pounced on a stray pass and arrowed it to Eddy to set up Calmac. Thought there was more to come but Saviour’s Day is Sunday and Corpus remained frustrated by their keeper and defensive block.
FORREST – 7/10
Never got finished building his new Lego Star Wars Millenium Falcon before Lennony was at the door hauling him onto the team bus. But all those selection-box sweeties had an effect as Jamesy sprung into life, scored a belter and ran them ragged when he got the opportunity for a bit of the second-half. It was a sporadic performance from him, playing in flashes (Wahey!) as the midfield malfunctioned. Looks like he might have his rhythm back for the weekend. Lookout girls. And Bears.
FRENCH EDDY – 7.5/10
Drifting quicksilver that’s damn impossible to marshall. Somehow manages to cultivate space against defences as tight as an Oranjeman’s Christmas goat. Tired in the second-half. Some superb spins and turns and purposeful drifting – made our goals, deserved his own. Excitingly, is due a few. Before the year’s out…
SUBS:
MIKEY J – 6/10
Came on with verve, sent the locals into raptures as the 80s begin for them next Wednesday. Not quite able to wriggle free of deliver the killer cross. Remains a dangerous proposition to throw in.
LENNONY – 7.5/10
Yup, got it right in the end. Eleven (?) wins on the trot so something like that. You can’t argue with the boss when he’s maintaining a series of wins like no other and managing a squad to the winter break without serious injury. Chalk up another tricky hurdle cleared, Lennony, and get to skelping…
OVERALL – 7/10
The game to get out of the way. All eyes on Sunday for the 2019 finale against Immortal Joe and his Warboys. So it was with irritation we tolerated the persistent ankle-biting in Paisley-pattern shirt town. Actually, not Paisley-patterned at all – going by St.Mirnoffs ‘Lederhosen’ strips, Paisley has fallen to the Third Reich. Eventually we saw it through, after looking like blitzing them then failing to hammer home our vast advantage. final ball was agonisingly imperfect, loose play gave them hope. Our chickens will come home to roost, in a good way, very soon – we’re due it all to merge together in one scintillating display.
Wonder when we’d like that to happen…
Go Away Now.
Sandman. Starters done. Ready for the turkeys.
