Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Cthulhu’s Spawn

SUBS –

SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – Good to see him back and getting minutes to find his rhythm.

YING – N/A –  Thrown in to hustle like a yappy wee dug; panted around for a bit.

DUNCAN IDAHO – N/A – Not going to repeat his mideweek Dublin dynamics, as the game was dead.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Look, it’s Luke again. Might have been disappointed at his omission and lack of game-time.

JAMESY – N/A – The call went out! Come back from vacation, Jamesy, it’s that time of year again – we need a title sealed and you need a record goal. He’s been wintering down at New Orleans for Mardi Gras – they love Jamesy there; talk about the legend of ‘the Scottish guy with the truckloads of bead necklaces’ for some reason…So he closed up his beloved holiday home – named ‘House Of The Rising Sun’ – and hightailed it back to Paradise for his rousing reception. Maximum 9 games to go. One goal required. Get him on pens…

Continued on the next page…