Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Gerogeorwell

CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Still not getting control of the game and still not getting the support required to exact that. But he’ll dig, dig, dig – because he’s the Celtic skipper and example is his to set. And he’ll feel good getting that over the line today because he was on his heels for much of it, having to circle back as their counter-press had very mobile brawn blocking his guile. I’ll say it again – get the right bodyguard in beside Calmac and we dominate.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 5.5/10 – Luke, a big chance, but Luke, a bit of a flop. This was made for his swashbuckling style but, as previously, the moment expectation hits, his form lets him down and the numerous impacts he’s made off the bench don’t get replicated when the jersey’s his to claim. Damn.

HAKUNA HATATE – 6/10 – Well, Reo looked energised and busy for a frantic first-half display. His play was alert and inventive – a bit of the old Reo we love. Something happened at the interval, though – maybe told to cut short an episode of Battle Of The Planets to get back out there? – but we missed his influence as he faded out of it.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7/10 – Ha! Finally, Daizen-down-the-middle pays off once more! The much-maligned wantaway hero adds to his Celtic legend with a crucial winner which will be fondly remembered as a spectacular double-cousins-sickener. Only Daizen, with the insight of a Roshi, would diving-heider a ball 4 millimetres off the turf, but that he did and lifted the day to ecstasy. Around his moment he’d blown hot and cold but never petulant; always buzzing them. And even to the bitter end he was conceding tactical free-kicks, standing over them, and eyeballing the MIB as he took a card. Arigato, Sensei.

TUTANKHAMUN – 5.5/10 – Flattered to deceive, ultimately, but did look like there was more to come until he was benched and we lost that trickery which is more likely to open tired defences than get the better of early, energetic legs. Bit baffling, but not the only thing.

ITCHYCOO PARK – 6.5/10 – The striker we need. Also, the striker we might need to score winners late in games but doesn’t yet see them out…But you can see the class in his natural target-man play. Movement and linkage is what’s required; if he had pace he’d be devastating. Slotted in that penalty with a wily striker’s instinctive change of placement, putting the keeper in the North Curve. Just get him fit and keep him engaged, he’ll score almost as much as Jamesy on a Shmagaluf weekender.

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