Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Weans of Middle-Earth

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v THE WEANS OF MIDDLE-EARTH…

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”

– Zig Ziglar

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7.5/10 – ‘Snap!’ goes Lego Thanos’ glove and the title challengers’ fantasies of a Falkirk plunder are dust, with more terrific goalkeeping when the End Game is in sight (see what I did there fans of the rare GOOD Marvel movies?). After much hubub about his tub, the Fat Controller is well in command of his rails. May he have the engine to rumble around the Celtic goalmouth until the title trundles home… (Also, see what I did there, fans of Thomas-The-Time-Engine?).

KATIE – 8/10 MOTM – Phenomenal KT-ing for consecutive games, facing another stern test against a side who like to move the ball quickly and inject some pace down the flanks and channels. After his Thursday input and the lack of cover for proper rest and recovery, I was anxious. But KT turned the tables and became the aggressor they needed to worry about. Whipped in a fine ball for the vital opening goal and remained consistently rugged and stoic to see us through. But we do need some cover for him. And we’ve got a day to heed that…

AZTECO – 7.5/10 – His critics were the same who deride any new signing who’s not a proven superstar; y’know the kind – all mouth and fleckwitterty. This Tex-Mex (Well, California, to be exact but some artistic licence, right?) hadn’t played all season, we were grimly informed by the Karens among us. Aye, and that was a bad thing? Eh, naw – it meant we had a fit and hungry top pro incoming with a bit to prove. Not only to us, but to the Cartel who own him…And he’s certainly doing that in his performances to date. Today, more fleet feet and dynamic attacking contributions, deserving of a goal, coupled with dogged defensive tracking. This pinata ain’t no donkey – he’s a thoroughbred who’ll get better as we get deep into the heat of the finish.

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 – Liam is my shepherd, said the congregation this afternoon, voicing the part of young Murray as the team was announced and priests everywhere prayed for divine intervention. And by dint of minor miracles, Liam was able to introduce the bhoy to the concept of efficient, sensible defending, pinpoint positioning and timeous intervention. A minder’s job well enough done.

GREAT – 6.5/10 – Whew. Somewhere around the third Guinness on Saturday night I’d forgotten the Austin red and accompanying ban. Then, squinting at the line-up today the hangover thudded in like a dawn raid for a pirate firestick. Not that I’ve got one, for clarification, officer…So, knowing Falkirk’s adept way of springing lightning breaks on us as they did when roasting us 0-1 at their 3/4 finished stickle-brick midden, the thought of the raw lump of wood facing up to that and surviving was sinus-throbbing. But he did – with the Gaelic lilt of The Ginger Baresi in his lugs – maintain a dither-free 90 minutes, aside from one habitual blip that had me flailing out my seat in a flurry of unintelligible expletives like someone stuck a firework up the jacksie of a cat with Tourettes. But, admirably the bhoy overcame my hungover dread and remained solid to notch a creditable clean sheet.

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