SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE CORLEONES’ COUNTRY HOUSE
“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour. Especially when the Zombies are involved.” – Charles Dickens
THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7.5/10 – Kaspaaaaaa! Those moments in time; mere seconds – they’re in! it’s one-on-one; sheer footballing anguish. You blink. He’s done it. The net doesn’t bulge; somehow the laws of physics cannot defeat the Schmeichel Spread. It’s a genetic inheritance trait that both biologists and metaphysicists MUST study in detail… ‘Cos it blows my mind. Only beaten by sheer luck and sheer precision; around that more goalkeeping splendour. In the words of Gregory Underwood: “What a guy. What. A. Guy…”
SCHLUPPTHE ‘RA – 8.5/10 MOTM – The ‘most disappointing January window since last January window’ threw up some latent EPL journeyman few of us had ever heard of and who most thought was a sort of icy soft drink. How little you know… An absolute presence of a left-back. A baller with balls and elevated ability: physically formidable and offensively enlightening – clipped in a sparky opener off an upright after threatening since the first whistle as he hurtled down the flank linking with the mad roving Daizen. Managed to squeeze in a mid-air maiming of a troublesome opponent before later crowning his magnificent all-round showing by setting the benchmark for wingers everywhere with a perfect pitched cross for our fifth. He covered just about every facet possible of consummate left-full-back/wingback play. Outstanding.
🗣️ “Today was all about the result… in the end you have to find a way to win”
💭 “You see Yang coming in, it’s amazing!”Jeffrey Schlupp and Arne Engels react to their side’s emphatic win at St Mirren ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/TDHniMeC43
— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 1, 2025
— Jeffrey Schlupp (@Jeffrey_Schlupp) March 1, 2025
WAYNE GRETZKY – 7/10 – Mr.Consistency calling. He’s now bringing stoicism and storm-trooping to every appearance; 101st today and no let up with the aggressive defending and attacking prowess. Didn’t quite have the polish to his support play or the thoroughness to his defensive work; ‘cough’, non-penalty concession, anyone… But there’s no doubting his relentless and reliable input.
GET CARTER – 5.5/10 – Trouble in Toontown for the Big Mhan… Rolled and outpaced through the middle too many times; struggled to get to grips with their mobile and able-bodied striker. Never adjusted a line that seemed way too high way too often and relied on Kasper to bail us out. A testing evening, but he emerged a winner.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN – N/A – Was feeling the heat before he felt the flying arm and the gash on his head had him taking a merciful early exit as our backline struggled.
Sandman’s Definitive Ratings continues on the next page…
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