Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Another Beautiful Sunday

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC V KILLIE THEM WITH FIRE

“The Grandmaister has this afternoon, by decree of the Right Royal Staunch Defenders Of The Faith, Crown and Bestiality, hereby declared that the month of MAY has been cancelled forthwith. It shall be struck from every staunch calendar for the remainder of eternity, which as we’re in the End Of Days anyway, shall probably be at the end of the next RIFC accounting period. And no loyal brother may even mention MAY. Um, ‘may even…’ Damn! And neither should any loyal brother tolerate being asked ‘How’d yeez
get on against Jimmy St.Johnstone?'”

WOOTV – William Of Oranje TV anouncement. (TV =’Transvestite’).

THE WALL – 6/10

Get back to flecking Southampton; imagine NOT saving a penalty! Amazing unnatural occurrence rocked Paradise as we wondered what sorcery was bedevilling our title hopes. Thereafter, he was a spectator mostly, as sanity was reinstated and his handling/feet solid as ever.

AJER – 7/10

ANOTHER crucial goal from the escaped-goat-in-waiting of the terminally browbeaten. Young Ironside is viking steel through and through – plenty of rough edges to be honed by experience, but built around a core of class and stoicism. Refinement will come, be glad now of his regular presence, fitness and superb attitude. Ronny Deila, we thank you.

JULLIEN CLARY – 7/10

Finished Thursday resembling the Hunchback of Notre Dame, yet took the hallowed turf today with the revitalised aura of a Parisien catwalk icon. The elegance pervades his game, too. More and more we see the
calculated – suavery in action, like he’s attempting to achieve bonus points for style. Last time this combination of sophisticated defensive swagger and natural ability engaged Paradise its guise was Van Dijk. Saint Christopher de Jullien lacks the arrogance of his predecessor but that’s not to be considered a negative attribute; better humble and committed than aloof and dismissive.

Like top prospects, he is his own constant critic; chastising himself sometimes to the level of self flagellation, a-la Morelos’ deviance. But his leadership skills were most notable today as he hustled
and cajoled his losing side toward a comeback victory.

JOZO – 7.5/10

Recovered superbly after being at the centre of the soft penalty shocker. Took it upon himsself to reprise the Gulag uprising of’99 and storm the ugly guardians of the keep, or Killie, as they are known. This time last year Jozo turned into a matchwinner and he was at it again, setting up the second, playing like a man on a mission; mission accomplished, Terminator, now reset for Thursday.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 7/10

Surprised at his inclusion after he slit his own throat at Pittodrie, but kudos to his recovery powers to be back in the jersey a week after life-saving surgery. Emerging as our first-choice left/wing-back via performances
based on his bakery skills – consistent and reliable, a staple part of the Celtic diet. Again, fulfilled every requirement today. Retail rumour has it there’s going to be a Greggs in every Asda supermarket soon. Well, they already have green and white livery, so the natural progression is…

PINGPONG – 8/10 MOTM

Vengeance is thine, young duracell – facing your enemy is a daunting task but terrorising him and his henchmen then drawing the dismissal foul is sweet satisfaction. Used his best assets, pace and energy, to fine effect with a wing vacated by Jamesy – worn out after over-exposure to Danish pornography. The young buck pranced over tackles and buzzed at their hulking ogres like a green and white hooped wasp.

CALMAC – 7.5/10

With the power of Celtic captaincy comes great responsibility. And a ubiquitous booking. Whistling Masons aside, Calmac is the leader in this time of Broon – crisis and he did so with assured professionalism. What a footballer.

ROGIC – 6/10

Disappointingly quiet – had expected him to be the pivot of victory but his role was mostly supporting, with some trademark finesse; maybe needs more starts to get properly tuned-in. Time running out for him to make an impact though, however you wouldn’t bet against a convergence of his guile and class to yet thrill us
before June.

CORPUS CHRISTIE – 6/10

Like Oz, still to regain his groove after injury, but barring crucifixion – been there, done that – he’s going to be in their faces, using his seemingly boundless energy to aid the cause if it’s not working for him in an attacking sense. More a workhorse than a golden calf today.

GRIFF – 6.5/10

Can’t keep it in the stadium from 25-yard free-kicks any more but give him a Monster Munch special from a foot out and he’s deadly…There’s still a bit to go but you can see the Griff back in the saddle (ladies…) by the time the Bears shuffle into view. Nobody I’d like to see more cap off the NINE by smashing them for a few;
the celebrations alone will supply the inter-web with memes for the next decade.

FRENCH EDDY – 7/10

Sitters going begging, but the predatory poke to sicken a nation of horribles. Banker of the day was l’assassin to strike and he did for the bookmakers hopes at the perfect time, giving us the lead right after levelling. There’s plenty more in his locker to come; this might even be considered a lean spell for him…

SUBS:

SON OF A GUN – 6/10

It’s like throwing a wardrobe into a waltzer – you don’t want to be around this big angular threshing machine when he’s out to prove himself; a headache for a defence already stretched and a suitable nightmare for Kirk Clovenhoof to deal with. Could and maybe should have scored; may still become a useful alternative striking option for us.

ELSHAGYONLASSIE – 5/10

Nothing to report, really – more competitive game-time exactly what he requires. Another warming-up for the grand finale.

BITTON – N/A

On for Griff to the distain of many, BUT… It was just to make sure there were no chinks of light afforded by tired limbs. Remember Thursday, whiners? Orders from Lennony simple – ‘Shut the door and lock up, Nir’. Yes, would have been nice to see Klimala Klimax, but let’s keep the frills for thrills once the main prize is retained. Maybe this coming Thursday will be his night…

LENNONY 

Another win. Another shuffle of available titans and we get a comeback win and a further two points closer to glory. Edgy around Paradise as we realised Captain Marvel was absent, expectant hopes dashed then raised by carrier pigeon out of Perth, only for Lennony to have the conundrum of losing an early goal.
No panic, just encouragement and level-headeness from the technical area – a trademark of his return; thunder replaced by tsunami: we’re on the roll of rolls, a relentless domestic surge sweeping all before us thanks in no small part to the will to power of a man waiting to claim HIS title. Ten until the NINE, Lennony.

OVERALL 

We thank the glowering, sinewy men from the shadows of Ayrshire for their contribution to the Skelping Comedy Compilation of recent times. We question qualified Skelper Brophy’s traitorous decision to put the penalty to The Wall’s left and thus handicap the title prospects. ‘How dare you!?’ protested the wee lassie
beside me called Greta…

But in the end it was another Beautiful Sunday and another test passed with flying Hoops. You cannot take away from this side the mindset that is sweeping us to history – Alex Ferguson was asked what he was thinking about when he lifted a Man United trophy; his answer: ‘The next one.’

This squad, this management team, seem to have employed that wipe-and-reset mindset of great sporting sides to wonderful effect since the start of this new decade. While we the support fermented over the Black Xmas 2 result and fretted over the destination of OUR title, the players who will live within and create those moments which will become gilded memory were resetting their focus and preparing for times to come.

They have startled and delighted every one of us this year. They need only do it another ten times, maybe less to become absolute legends.

Sandman. Impressed. Go Away Now.

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About Author

The Celtic Star founder and editor, who has edited numerous Celtic books over the past decade or so including several from Lisbon Lions, Willie Wallace, Tommy Gemmell and Jim Craig. Earliest Celtic memories include a win over East Fife at Celtic Park and the 4-1 League Cup loss to Partick Thistle as a 6 year old. Best game? Easy 4-2, 1979 when Ten Men Won the League. Email editor@thecelticstar.co.uk

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