Sandman's Definitive Ratings - Celtic v Arabesques

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Jim Goodwin, Dundee United Manager shakes hands with Brendan Rodgers, Manager of Celtic prior to the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 7.5/10 – Gun-jumping the support’s enthusiasm for a KT return with Brodge nonsense-speak cut him no favours; maybe a timely reminder he still carries plenty strained goodwill from a large portion of the fanbase not too disposed to midnight flits…Best way to cut through the talk is with action – give the support what we pay and pray for; dynamic Celtic on winning rampages. So without too much tinkering and Saturday’s definitive ratings in his pocket for reference – printed off Gav’s ipad/laptop/pocket inkjet
contraption – he set about maintaining continuity whilst giving some spare parts their place in the Celtic machine to function.

What he – and we – got on a brittle night was as smooth systematic functionality as might have been hoped for; overcoming stubborn resistance with fluid persistence. There was an off-script period after the break, but the deepening freeze was probably culpable for hampering synchronicity. He got their minds back on the job on Saturday, and their feet following with haste and skill for most of the ninety tonight. The January ride has begun in earnest. Hold tight.

MIBBERY – 4/10 – Flag the offside you sleekit git! We see you. And those VAR gits too! Deliberate neglect of duty had us on the back foot, allowing them a flurry of troublesome corners that should never have been if the correct call was made on the initial move. Nice try, no cigar. Prank(s).

Glenn Middleton of Dundee United, formerly of theRangers, looks on during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

OVERALL – 7/10 – Sixteen? SIXTEEN? Sweet. You’re beautiful and you’re mine… Ringo Starr or Johnny Burnette – what version’s getting banned on ‘Prodify’ playlists tonight? As wildfires rage in La La Land, the Zombiess remain in their own delusional fantasy world as The Hoops scorch the league table towards being within title-winning range sometime in March. A windy Dundee day blew out our flames last encounter but the Glasgow chill wasn’t snuffing the heat tonight. Shaken from festive slumber by the Nightmare After Christmas at Castle Duckula, the Bhoys look back on-task and getting tuned for the big crunch games ahead.

Enter The Arabs to Paradise, but no Arabian night for them – wearing a strip that looked like someone washed the diabolical Ibrox 80s bedspread third kit at the wrong temperature. In tie-dye and unicorn puke…So the Aubergines set up shop and it was Celtic v Congestion FC. However, this Celtic side is nothing if not clinically systematic when required. Lacking a chef’s-kiss final ball all first half to really end the contest, we still persevered with enough quality to carve out openings and nick a deserved lead.

Second 45 – all about the kill and winning thrill? Nope, disjointed, slack, dropped intensity off so much that they got momentum and we couldn’t really regain control. So it was with some relief that Reo swiped a beauty into the top corner and the points were safe. Never a classic, but a classic Celtic victory at a vital time in the season when all that matters is racking up the scorecard and casting a glance at glamorous games to come.

And what a gap we’ve opened. A ‘Lana Wolf’ of a gulf – a yawning Hippo of a difference – between us and them. Between reality and fantasy. Between good and evil… So let’s get our circulation back and fingers crossed for good weather incoming and the Celtic sunshine football back on. A frozen north expedition awaits at the weekend then a jaunt to a medieval village midweek. Two tricky hops back in history to contend with before a cup break. So let’s take it one game at a time. And don’t mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.

Go Away Now

Sandman