SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v VILLAGE GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY…
“If you can dae it at Firhill, why no’ dae it in Lisbon?” – the inimitable Bertie Auld.
ROXIE – 6/10 – The gal’s got footwork… Injected some excitement into the game during an early lull with comical suicidal wall-pass off species-traitor O’Halloween which caused half the stadium to convulse, the other to let out a wracked screech, and made me giggle; not a toss given as the ball scraped the post and he pointed at somebody for being out of position. Well, we wanted a character of a keeper who loves to get involved. And we got one. Be careful what you wish for, kids…
TONY THE TIGER – 7/10 – Fresh from almost winning the World Cup for Scotland, Tony put in another tigerish performance, particularly in the second-half as the tension rose. Competent, aggressive and won every vital
50-50. Bhoy’s a street fighting legend.
RAQUEL – 6.5/10 – Took a troubling facial late on. But that’s a long-forgotten movie…Tonight, she was knocked almost senseless by the wicked bent elbow of Rylan’s boyfriend. A red in most civilised countries but a begrudged yellow in this fermenting bigoted cesspit. Thing was he should have already been on a mandatory yellow for daring to take the park on live TV sporting a bleached quiff like some poodle experiment of Dr.Moreau. Prior to the sexual assault, Raquel had been at her combative best up against brawny strawberry pickers. Solid, confident match.
GET CARTER – 6.5/10 – He’s a unit of a lad, and he saw a lot of the ball. Unusually so, as their twin banks of 5 pressed us relentlessly. But he barely put a foot wrong, or misplaced a pass whilst coping with their physical frontmen. Happy Thanksgiving, big fhella. Enjoy yer three turkeys.
JURAN JURAN – 7.5/10 – Just about MOTM. As the midfield struggled for rhythm he stepped in and stepped-up to the task like a Balkan berserker. Got himself involved more than any previous game, took responsibility, popped up like a fluffer to keep us rampant, covered like a pub band. Definitely his finest display in the hoops and chose a meaningful occasion to show his international class.
BLOCKCHAIN – 7/10 – The lean, mean DM machine. Playing in his best position, this was made for his clinical guile. Sadly for him, the two mids ahead were obfuscated by blue shirts so he was limited to maintaining possession and building side-to-side rather than being able to use his incisive passing ability to create much. But proved his overall worth to us yet again.
CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Shackled but indefatigable. The skipper was dynamic without being as effective as he can be. Lovely feet tikki-takkad about but failed to find the killer ball or crucial space to damage them. Still, his relentless pursuit of footballing purity kept their stoical scrimmage line occupied and limited their breakaways.
EDDIE TURNBULL – 5.5/10 – Warming up for taking on the Zombies with his beloved Hibs Famous Five today. He’d better raise his game becasue after missing a sitter today he disappeared into the ranks of countryside blue where he toiled to find openings or even telling involvement whatsoever.
ABADASS – 4/10 – There’s always a buzz about him, but where we expected a stinging wasp we got a fat housefly bumping into windows time and time again. He’s young but must learn how to make an impact when marking’s tight and space very limited.
NOTEBOOK – 8/10 MOTM – Lit up the game like it was the 80s charts and got us all screaming like Whamettes. On days like these, in the turgid realms of Scottish fitba’s wee team v big team heroic defensive cup-tie battles, the football world needs a hero. Often a bloodied defender, or charmed keeper as cup upsets go, but not tonight, Josephine. We looked to him like Princess Leia to Obi Wan Kenobi – he was our only hope. And he delivered with yet another burst of electric, kinetic energy to pounce on a loose ball and finally rattle their
defence enough to create the vital opening.
Omitted Resolutions from the AGM #666 -The Sandman Proposition: ‘Put the moolah up for Jota, Bankier, or we’ll Blood-Eagle you as a sacrifice to the Old Gods.’
MR.KOBAYASHI – 6.5/10 – Tricky and industrious. We awaited the big Koyogo moment that may turn the match in our favour. But he hardly got a sniff despite tireless movement and some scintillating touches as the Perthshire agricultural labourers recreated internment camp conditions just for him.
SUBS:
𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕.
The difference maker 🔥 #CELSTJ | #PremierSportsCup | #COYBIG 🍀pic.twitter.com/3JMJ8DKu5g
— Celtic Football Club (@CelticFC) November 20, 2021
JAMESY – 7/10 – Slapped it out and slapped it in! Watch the keeper throw himself out the way of Jamesy’s not-so-secret weapon as the winning strike flashes (yup) past him. An impact of highest (and lowest) quality as the bulging shorts bulged the net and the celebrations left a dozen burds needing stretchered out…
MCCARTHYISM – N/A – Wears his heart on his sleeve and put ours in our mouths as he almost sold the jerseys with his first calamitous involvement. But recovered towards competence.
THE YETI – N/A – ‘Dear Ghod, don’t let them score if he’s going to be our extra-time hope…’
MAN OF… – N/A – Welcome back, small combative unit we’d like to see on before McCartyhism…
MIKEY J – N/A – Mikey? Mikey? Lost him. May still be on the pitch.
ANITA DOBSON – 8/10 – Whew, no illusions from Ange – he knew what he would be facing today; the grind. Set up as expected and, well, hoped we’d get ahead and open them up. Again, that never transpired. So it was down to graft and intensity – Ange had his job cut out to maintain focus and some sort of rhythm.
That’s when you sense the bhoys on the park have faith in the boss; nobody went rogue or off-message. The team stuck to the philosophy. And with another win carved out, and a cup final reached, so their faith in the Melbourne Messiah grows. Or maybe he’s from somewhere else; The Sydney Sultan. The Darwin Demi-Ghod. Athenian Fen… Something like that…
Anyway, he wins out and his methods mute the critics for another week. Risk is built-in to the Ange model. Even throwing on most of the crowd as subs to run down the clock is part of the angst-inducing brinkmanship he plays at. Yet, there’s a feeling of momentum behind him now and a movement the singing people can believe in; he’s caught the wave and we’re all clambering onto the board. Let’s ride it.
MIBBERY – 5/10 – Well, Littly Nicky tried his best. Managed to book Koyogo for being fouled, then bummed. Had big Blockchain in the Mason’s Journal very early. But in the end, despite extrapolating the time-fabric of the universe to find an extra minute on top of the six, he failed to execute the will of The Architect and, ironically, will now find himself being ‘Abiff-ed’ at the next ludge orgy.
This is a straight red. No doubts about it. Rooney doesn’t need to take his eye off the ball because he knows exactly where Stephen is here. Nick Walsh I felt from the start was dying to give them everything and us nothing. He saw this and gave a yellow! https://t.co/fj4y7Gj3p7
— Matt McGlone (@MattMcGlone9) November 21, 2021
OVERALL – 7/10 – So, Scotland’s two most successful teams of the past decade scrapped it out. In the end football won a glorious, frustrating victory, but semi-finals are often crap; It’s all about the result and getting to The Show. We managed it on a grim day under louring skies, the fitting atmosphere for a scrap in the outdated national dug’s bowl. We tried to hit them early, maintain tempo and bright, alert football.
But St.Johnstone are adept at pinning you to the ropes, hoping for a sneaky punch, grappling like a tired, limited, slugger as Celtic tried to box around them. It works well for them and no complaints – we knew what we were up against. Eventually, much to the credit of this new squad, our class found a gap and got the knockout in.
Now a pre-Christmas chance at glory against a Hibs side who’ll open up more and let us play with some verve. Trophy number one now within reach.
A fitting end to Bertie’s week, honoured by the GB’s amazing 67th minute tifo.
Dedicated to the memory of Bertie Auld, Lison Lion legend who once nearly caused the dislocation of my neck on a double-take when he served me in Baird’s Bar as ‘Green Onions’ played on the jukebox and the packed faithful shuffled as one to the cool rhythm. Beautiful memory.
One thing I’ll remember about him is the sheer relish in the man’s voice when he recounts the Jinky Lisbon tunnel story. One word in particular – ‘Can they PLAY?”
Here was somebody unfazed by reputations, appearance, bereft of anxiety any normal human could expect in such heightened situations; no, Bertie was full of relish, a burning desire to pit himself against these lofty opponents.
‘Can they PLAY?’
You hear it every time. Go listen, go love. Fearless relish. The winning drive. The beating Heart Of The Lions. RIP, wee mhan.
Go Away Now.
And screw Thee diaz Brothers!
Sandman.
Great feeling to be in another final but we need to address a few issues. Our midfield must be more dynamic and keep the tempo high. We need to stop mucking about at the back and get it out of danger. Finally the ref yesterday must be called out. He was beyond incompetent. HH pic.twitter.com/KXr63J7dbw
— Celtic Gossip (@CelticGossip) November 21, 2021
