SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v HIBSBOLLAH…
“The course of true love never did run smooth. Nor a supposed formality of a game at Parkheid.”
– William Shakespeare, Sonnet #1967.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 9/10 MOTM – Looking to sponsor Kasper in the MMA Cage-Fighting World Championships? Got a good outside shout there because you’re not beating our bhoy 1-on-1. Conor McGregor was for turning in his leprechaun suit after Kasper denied them four times on facedowns and blocked other efforts as the defence interpreted the Fall Of The House Of Usher for footballing audiences and tormented us with reminiscence of The Seive and other sinister criminal atrocities that threw many a game in the dark past. The aggregate of match-defining moments he, well, defined, this afternoon would be analogous to a striker’s hat-trick. These points are Kasper’s. Definitively.
GREGGS THE BAKER – 6/10 – Little Pirlo of Pittodrie was more subdued today. I even thought he’d gone missing for a while after the break until he popped up at the back post with a heroic CCV last-ditch block to deny them a deserved goal. Expect him in there with industry come Tuesday tea-time.
WAYNE GRETZKY – 7/10 – Rampant through the first half, linking well as ever with Kuhn. Displaying ruthless hockey physicality as he threw his weight around. Pressed them deep in second, firing in more tempting crosses, just off it with final ball ocassionally. But another powerhouse 90 minutes by The Moose.
OF JUSTICE – 6/10 – Liam fazed? No. Maybe missing CCV, however. Appeared slightly edgy as he failed to get the understanding right with Trusty and we were exposed more than a certain legendary winger has been reputed to be…I do still have confidence in The Ginger Baresi to exercise calm at the back, and second 45 the defensive frailties were less apparent with Liam taking a measure of control and also proving dangerous when up for set pieces.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 5.5/10 – The big fella appeared spooked and encumbered by self-doubt at the alarming Hibs’ forays. Never quite got in step with the pace of their attackers and was rolled too often. An overall ragged performance, dogged by unease.
CALMAC – 7/10 – Competent and classy. The captain’s tidy use of the ball made sure the metronome kept ticking as all around him struggled to match the consistency and find their own rhythm. Once they approached his level we were able to properly ramp up the pressure, second-half; testament to his overall influence on a game.
THE TERMINATOR – 6.5/10 – Encouraging hour of intermittent involvement, which was around pivotal moments. Notched a confidence-building goal, took a yellow for being on the end of a tackle, and seemed to be more in-flow with the Celtic system than in his recent disappointments. We still await the emergence of the matchwinning young superstar but signs are it may come.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6/10 – Luke might not be on as high a wage as some but I’m sure there’s no need for the side-hustle of selling the jerseys…While Kasper may thank him for the YouTube highlight reel contribution, everyone else might tap him for valium. Crazy back-passes aside, his forward passing was pretty sublime and deserved more end-product. Another fine game in the Hoops, marred by one daft moment and a big missed chance he’ll be kicking himself over. Which ironically, is what he did with the ball… Off the bar.
LORD KATSUMOTO – 5.5/10 – What makes Daizen laugh more than any other thing in his time at Celtic? The MIBs. Inscrutability out the window as he scoffed at the awards against him while he tussled with their brawny – and pretty decent – big Aussie fullback. And Daizen was pretty much stifled with less service than normal due to the struggles we had containing an expansive opponent.
DUNCAN IDAHO – 5/10 – Okay, he was unlucky, defied by a very good save, and did damage with the header knocked in for the second, an OG. But we need more from him in games like these – more aggression and presence to rankle their central defensive organisers, more sharpness to make him a foil for advancing skilful players making runs around him, more movement to create more space. Just… More required.
TAKINTE – 6/10 – What happened? There he was, gliding around the first 45, playing in some absolutely sumptuous deliveries begging for a finish; looking every bit the match-winner if we could involve him more. Then he was gone. Like Keyser Soze, our chief antagonist was nowhere to be found, hooked; rested for Tuesday, we hope and pray.
SUBS –
YING – 6/10 – The bhoy’s added something to his game this season – gallusness. Moves with purpose, demeanour less benevolent. Looks like he’s gained in strength and confidence. Certainly has quick feet, although tends to beat himself at times. Interesting prospect that I’m sure we’ll see a lot of over the next two months.
SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – Typical midfield bustle for his time on the pitch. Can we expect a start Tuesday?
HAKUNA HATATE – N/A – Reo cameo day. Not expecting much after his Sheep Pen delight, but still managed to link with Jamesy to assist in setting up the third.
KILLER MUSHROOM – 7/10 – Mesmerising feet; a side step-over – not once, but twice – of such guile the defenders and keeper all paid to get back in and get rinsed like bedraggled stray dugs with a hose all over again. The positive highlight of the game, showcasing his immense predatory quality and value to us as he killed them off.
JAMESY – 6.5/10 – This time of year, Jamesy’s the only man outside Lapland with a sack busier than Santa. Incredibly he found the time off the job to give us a full 45 minutes here. And with the help of two Eastern elves (Reo and Kyogo) finished the game with aplomb as he nicked the ball, played a one-two then laid it on for Kyogo with a deft reverse pass.
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 6.5/10 – A perplexing afternoon for the most part, peppered with anxiety that will have had him tightening the Gucci belt and drawing a calming breath. Changes had not integrated smoothly and alarms were raised to Dortmund-level anxiety at the ease with which Hibs picked us off and open, with counter-thrusts that seemed to leave us chasing stripey jerseys and thin air. Not everything runs smoothly every game so he’ll be happy to have tweaked a few positions at half-time and seen us more dominant after the break, finally
taking three points and letting him turn his relieved and shiny wee heid to Zagreb. Phew.
MIBBERY – 2/10 – Curious. Chris Graham referees with an amused intensity that the players appear to respect and even attempting to block off The Hoops in motion doesn’t cause too much rankle. Plenty tough talking to players but no dissent back is an optimistic sign, and breath was held over the VAR monkey’s momentary conundrum about Arne on a red; but even a yellow was harsh for being on the the receiving end of Newell’s slid and attempting to evade it. Would have been interesting to see this MIB’s promise tested had he been called to the monitor. So is this MIB a black sheep of those blackest of sheep? Subsequent matches will be enlightening.
OVERALL – 6.5/10 – Well, points are points, titles are titles, and nobody’s complaining. How you get them is a whole other conversation – and we shouldn’t dwell too much on that one…In the tightest 3-0 you’ll ever see, Hibs went about repudiating their lowly position and caused us more trouble than any other domestic opponent – yes, beyond even Kille and The Sheep – as they sliced us apart a number of times, but incredibly left without even a consolation goal.
However much our out-of-synch backline was exposed, in contrast our devastating mid-to-frontline was
clicking into gear. We began to match them for incisive moves and got ahead thanks to a classic Kuhn-AJ-Arne slice-and-dice. Thankfully, their second 45 fade allowed us to avoid a sucker punch and find some breathing space to wrap it up. The neccessities of SPFL life taken care of, time to focus on the big boys league once more.
Sometimes a game like yesterday which exposes fragilities can be a useful warning to all concerned – management to players – to be absolutely on it. A timely reminder of the fine margins that you need to be at your very best to sway in your favour. The magnificent spectral presence in nets certainly exemplified the Sliding Doors nature of football this afternoon with one of those Zombie-busting performances that raises anguish levels in all the dark corners of Hades and elevates his own brief Celtic tenure towards legendary heights.
Now we hope the rest of the Bhoys take the weight off his broad Viking shoulders and chase the glory in midweek with a refreshed, energised display that’ll have us glowing with heady triumph.
Go Away Now
Sandman
CELTIC IN THE THIRTIES, VOLUMES ONE & TWO BY MATT CORR – OUT NOW! Order your signed copies below…
It was all that you say.
Plus Grandpa Joe and a sunset to herald six months of permafrost.