Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Feral Bairns

SUBS –

TAKINTE – 8/10 MOTM – Impact required, impact delivered. That’s the way to ingratiate yourself to a skeptical support – set up two and score two; game done and dusted by your twinkling boots. I thought there were signs as his wellbeing increased following last winter’s traumatic weight loss; we had a few glimpses towards May. But now we get the value the scouts spotted – kinectic bursts of class and prowess – that finish for the fourth, like a birthday tribute to the King of Kings. Gentlepersons, we have a player here.

YING – 6/10 – Look, you weren’t the only one who hissed when K-pop bhoy appeared on the park at 1-2 down; hardly a switch-up for Palma was it? Well, just witness his first involvement – worked his way right across their box, ultimately defied by the keeper who did well to block his stinging effort. More than his predecessor’s managed all season. Takinte stole the comeback show thereafter, but this kid helped light the fuse.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6/10 – Never thought you’d be happy to see Greggs come on? Of course you were. In he came and we got some shape together and added authority.

APOLLO CREED – N/A – Managed to appear more composed and solid in his fleeting appearance than both our other centre-backs combined.

THE TERMINATOR – 6.5/10 – Enter the quality. An injection of class and impetus to the middle had the midfield thrumming like a Lambo, Arnie a step ahead in thought and foot; exemplified by his peach of a through-ball for the fourth.

Continued on the next page…