The Rangers 2-2 Celtic – Time for Some Definitive Ratings

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE OVERLOOK HOTEL..

“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
– Franklin D. Roosevelt

VINDALOO – 7/10 – All the speculation wiped in one simple, “Kasper’s phished,” declaration by the boss and in comes the Stuttgart stalwart to face the ugliest vista of any goalkeeper in world football this weekend. What I like about Vinny is that he never seems fazed. He’s been here before, and it was good to see the Cool Hand Luke vibe is a character trait and not a mask. And if you want to take that analogy further, the midden stinks of boiled eggs (rotten) anyway so his method acting could be immersive. No fault for the goals, credit for remaining a calm, safe pair of hands, and legs, as it looked for a while like the hoops in front of him might melt like Easter eggs in Dante’s Inferno. The jersey will ultimately be his, deservedly.

🗣️ “They’ve got their goal back!”

Kieran Tierney scores and Celtic are back in the game 🟢 pic.twitter.com/oIdXloH8TB

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) March 1, 2026

KATIE – 7/10 – A marvel of biotech engineering. ‘Biscuit hips’ as the Zombies like to call him, took the biscuit by powering a terrific header past their spawny spider monkey in nets to haul us back into contention. Remained a driving force until his Tesla battery ran down.

AZTECO – 7.5/10 MOTM – The ONE outfield player right at it for the 90. and by that, I mean right at everything – every Zombie in the big Victorian lavvy, the officials, the ballboys…Eager for a scrap and revelling in the cauldron of hate; massive comment on this Bhoy’s mindset that even when we were at our worst he was the singularity striving to cause some sort of impact. Marvellous gamesmanship and bollocks to draw the Zombies” attention at the penalty by posing as the taker; made a mug of their wee Amish rapper, inviting anything in blue to have a go. I’d sign him in a blink but I doubt we can compete with his English premiership pay packet.

Another clear penalty missed.
Scales has got away from the Rangers player who then wraps his arms around Scales and wrestles him to the ground. pic.twitter.com/PIAb4S11yS

— Lint (@Zeshankenzo) March 1, 2026

OF JUSTICE – 6/10 – He got it together… Eventually. And thank the Almighty that it was just in time to stop us being overrun. Much like Trusty on Thursday, Liam had one eye on the ball, one on the mobile frontline, and one on the youthful bombscare at his side. And that’s really only a feat Jamesy can usually accomplish…So it turned out for the opening half, as we played with no midfield presence and Liam spent a frantic 45 chasing shadows and making so many futile attempts to organise an under-siege backline that his lineage was checked at half-time to see if there was any ancestor on his family tree labelled, ‘Titanic deckchair attendant’. But that second-half brought out the Ginger Baresi again for a decent resistance, defending deep crosses particularly well.

GREAT – 4/10 – Oh, dear. Said on Thursday the plan for young Dane was simplicity. I didn’t mean village-idiot simple. For all his admirable no-nonsense qualities, including good psychological strength to handle intense atmospheres, he has a terrible habitual lapse in him. We’ve seen it before, I’ve commented on it before; it’s becoming the prime foible of his performances. His latest howler was a disaster. It could have led to a total collapse. His focus needs to be 100% and, as yet, he doesn’t have that mastered. Hopefully he will before it becomes a defining flaw in his game, because it’ll curtail his participation at top-level if he can’t phase such errors out.

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings continue on the next page…