Sandman’s Definitive Euro Rantings – Celtic suffer ignominious home humping

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE EURO RANTINGS: CELTIC v THE 300

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BANE – 6/10

Well, little he could do with the shots peppered in at him and the goals. Actually made some fine stops and –
bar one suicide ball – his distribution is still the best of any Celtic keeper; can cut a decent long pass accurately
as any.

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LAXALTIVE – 5.5/10

Like most, started pretty effectively and was a pain in their right flank. But was missing the essential final delivery and slightly more one-footed than we needed; got found-out and run-over when they pressed, neutralising his potency.

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ALAN LADD – 5/10

‘I am not a footballer…I am not a footballer…’ The psychological coaching took effect and the mantra seemed to be working as he blocked and was efficient despite us being two down, possibly forcing a comeback… Then he slipped a shoe or something – and with no blacksmith in sight their troublesome no.7 skinned him like a trapper with a rabbit to set up the depressing finale. About time we asked the rustlers to return him to the donkey sanctuary?

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BITTON – 5.5/10

Early facial expression of discontent proved ominous as he set for their first corner; something was up, and soon it was – them, by 2. Still remains a viable option as we saw during a spell of dominance when we chased an equaliser – bringing the ball out and picking the pass is his forte.

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PINGPONG – 6.5/10

Good industry, as ever, almost turned some bursts into goals but was found wanting during the first-half when Sparta broke down his side; got played – around, ball watching as they spiked in deadly crosses and was caught I in-between runners through indecision as they surprised us. Yet, he kept at it – showed brilliant effort second 45 and he tore them up, almost scoring himself.

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BROON – 5/10

This. Is. Parkheid! Bellowed Broon and tried to kick somebody in the baws. But they were too quick for him. All night. May have fallen into a false sense of security as he lorded it in the first quarter of the match, picking up everything in the middle and penning them in. But once they found space and their touch he was chasing shadows.

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CALMAC – 5/10

So poor. Atrocious defending at their killer just before half-time – guy turned him inside out to pap the shot in. Brief resurgence after half-time but we rely on him – particularly in big games – to be the conductor, set the tempo. Dropped the baton in the tunnel tonight.

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CORPUS CHRISTIE – 5/10

If only he had the final delivery or pass to equal his movement and zip. But when the gild is missing the jewels are lightweight; Not his presence – got stuck in about them – I mean his influence. Corpus is all about the devastating strike – see Sunday – or the killer quarterback delivery – see his only good ball to Elshag to hit
barfirst half – and when that’s missing, so is he. Lost in no-man’s land every time they broke, not backtracking properly – i.e sticking with runners – therefore unable to help the defence being swamped.

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ROGIC – 7/10

If only we had a functioning system around him tonight, the result would have been different. Yet again the magic big boats lit up the midfield with some beguiling footwork. When we got the ball to him. Criminally underused at times – there has to be a shield to give Oz a pocket to play in. When we got that right – rarely – we saw the game-changing affect it can have. The shift of feet at our goal, the intricacy around their box.

If you can feed your creative wizard the opposition get wary and sit in. too often we failed to leverage his presence between their lines; credit him for working back to collect, but that’s when calamity can strike as
he gets into clugger territory seeking the ball – thankfully survived an double-assassination attempt, almost losing an achilles to one of the ugliest Goonies villains to rock up to Celtic Park in Europe for some
time. If we’re going to play Oz and benefit, we might need to sacrifice the floating Corpus to get a suitable enforcer in beside him.

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ELSHAGYONLASSIE – 5.5/10

Almost, was the tale of his evening. Almost a deft equaliser first-half, almost burrowing his way through their packed box at times second-half, almost roasting Lennony for subbing him. But almost is a luxury when the
chips are down.

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FRENCH EDDY – 4/10

See Calmac. Early promise from a wriggle evaporated. A surprising reversal in hope versus reality, especially when he eventually got the strike partner he needs. As Griff struck us back into things, the expectation was Eddy would light-up and feed off his energy, find more space and capitalise. Eh, nope…

SUBS:

SAM JACKSON – N/A

Muthutucka got a great view of their third stood on the touchline then the muthutuckin’ joke was played on him and he was thrown into the grim last ten minutes.

THE YETI – N/A

Growled around the sidelines, then growled some more as the game was snatched away from us before he even got a kick.

HAT ATTACK – 5/10

Looked competent, reliable as ever when asked to fit in and focus; but let himself down with an uncertain, loose, hopeful pass from a good attacking position which was intercepted and facilitated their break for the third goal.

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GRIFF – 8/10

Another sub appearance, another MOTM moment to give us hope and lift the entire performance. Irony of the maddest loveable bar steward in the Hoops tapping his temple to try and get his toiling cohorts to get their heads in the game was not lost – he came onto the pitch with a mission and ten more like him have excelled in past European games. The side got a lift and for a spell an equaliser looked inevitable. Alas, our current tendency towards ineffective fragility resurfaced like a poxy phoenix before the classic Celtic euro-fire could engulf Sparta, and the Griff-inspired-comeback-glory tale to tell his four hundred grandchildren did not come to pass. But, PLAY HIM from the start now.

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LENNONY – 4/10

Oh, dear. It all looked so reasonably positive for the opening period. But once more the former Lennony trait of having motivated Celtic European teams playing at high tempo from the first whistle was absent. We moved and sprayed the ball around promisingly enough but lacking any really inspired tempo or hunger or cutting edge; the sort that has had visitors on their heels on great victory nights.

To compound his misery, the Sparta flurry that had us two down wasn’t combated to any effect – it was held in reserve and sprung on us again to notch another two. He didn’t/couldn’t alter our shape to cope/nullify. Lennony’s recent vindicating displays and results were lacerated by a side playing very much in the manner his Celtic teams have done; surprising supposedly superior opponents with pace and desire. Sparta stuck to their
plan, exploited their strengths, exposed our weaknesses perfectly. We failed both tactically and psychologically to counter or control their best efforts. You don’t get to play Aberdeen every week. Time for shakedown, Lennony.

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OVERALL – 4/10

Well, we had a plan. Then this phishy Euro side began to pay a little and fancied their chances, and… Celtic looked on it for the first twenty then somehow managed a complete dissolution of expectations. We simply appeared to fall apart every time they moved at us with speed and mobility. A close-up on Bane after their second told it all:’…shambles..’ he seemed to mouth, prefixed by ‘flaming’ most likely. Their third and fourth about summed it up; the utter state of our backline trying to cope with their break resembling some tired kids fed-up with running about.

So all it took was a competent Euro side to turn up and once they got confidence and realised they could utilise pace, they picked us off like virgins in a Dundee nightclub. We looked like blushing ingenues at a Stones backstage party as we were plundered time and time again; there was a Sunday League hangover air about the desperate chasing back and scattered positional play.

Defensive coach, anyone… But maybe that’s too harsh on the defence – Alan Ladd’s a stopper pure and simple and we were overrun by nippy Spartans – our midfield also culpable for neglecting defensive disciplines to an alarming extent. All this grim analysis, yet at 70 minutes you could get even money on a Celtic equaliser; you could say it seemed inevitable. So not all is lost… just a harsh lesson on the night on how to be clinical and disregarding of reputation.

An ignominious humping at home in Europe should play on the minds of those involved; we’ll find out in Prague soon, on a trip that won’t be all cheap beer and hookers – there’ll be pride and contracts at stake too. We must play as a team, not just a collective.

Anyway, Europe, pah… Focus on the TEN. Sunday’s looming fast.

Go Away Now.

Sandman.

About Author

The Celtic Star founder and editor, who has edited numerous Celtic books over the past decade or so including several from Lisbon Lions, Willie Wallace, Tommy Gemmell and Jim Craig. Earliest Celtic memories include a win over East Fife at Celtic Park and the 4-1 League Cup loss to Partick Thistle as a 6 year old. Best game? Easy 4-2, 1979 when Ten Men Won the League. Email editor@thecelticstar.co.uk

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