SUBS –
SCHLUPP THE ‘RA – N/A – Another prospective summer signing prospect gets a title run-out. But is there room for three lefties?
Celtic players celebrate winning the league. Dundee United 0 Celtic 5 at Tannadice Park on April 26, 2025 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)
DUNCAN IDAHO – 6.5/10 – He might be still clumsy, maybe a bit slow, and not just physically; perhaps just an Aardvark short of a full ark – didn’t even know his own goals tally…But he’s doing what’s primarily required of a number nine; scoring goals and scoring them well. Nearly the perfect hat-trick today but for a bad break off his lunging left shin.
So… We wait and see if the manager’s faith in his ability matches his own. Although Pistol Pete may want to re-negotiate Adam’s contract after seeing his mastery of numerical values. “Aye, ten cats’ teeth amulets a month is worth way more than 20k a week big man, trust me…”
SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – More rehabilitating minutes for next season’s star midfielder…
JAMESY – 6/10 – So now the title’s wrapped up, Jamesy’s going to be edging us all as he goes for The Maestro’s record. Teased it all second-half (Ladies…) but the anticipation every time he looked like cracking one off crested with a block or last-ditch tackle to defy the Prestwick Pele’s destiny. But the fates always carry a twist – with Jota lame and a starting berth open, perhaps it will be the sordid planes of Mordor on Sunday where The Flash makes Celtic history with a sweet strike. How satisfying would that be? Enough to make Mick Jagger rewrite a classic…
HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Lookout, Luke’s trolling The Arabs, as the former Dundee captain trots on to collect a win bonus and secure a title medal.
Sandman’s Definitive Ratings continue on the next page…
Good stuff Sir, and for the season, thank you.