Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic at the Sheep’s Boudoir

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE SHEEP’S BOUDOIR

“Eh, fit-like, mate, eh? Like, ye wantin tae buy some cup final tickets affay us, eh? How many huv ah goat fur tae sell, like? Ehhh, twinty thoosand…”

– Aberdeen ticket tout outside the away section after the game.

VINDALOO – 6/10 – Comfortable in command, Vinny has the air of authority that makes great goalies. Not much to do with his hands, more impressive with his head as he was quick to snuff out an early break and managed to wipe out the rangy rasta hoodlum named ‘Gayee’ according to commentary; Unfortunately for Reo later, not smashed hard enough.

SCHLUPPTHE ‘RA – 6/10 – Has he been one of the ‘coasters’ The Brodge dropped due to standards? Looked a bit leggy for a time, or blowing-out-his-backside as they say in coaching circles. Felt his way into the game once he got shot of the dithering and was more ruggedly effective after half-time.

TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 –  Like Mordor recently, the old-shcool dynamic duo lit up the right, with Tony supporting and – cleverly – NOT supporting when Jamesy needed the space for bursts. Another fine shift from The Brickie before being hooked early to join the next chopper out to the North Sea rigs.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 6/10 – I’m actually not quite sure here whether it’s a good thing that he’s appeared to have cruised through the past couple of matches without needing a skoosh of Lynx, or if it’s that he’s a lazy big sausage who doesn’t mind hitching a ride with his head down.

APOLLO CREED – 8/10 – He’s no’ Rocky but he’s a slugger we can get right behind. The anomaly in the meritocracy turns up AGAIN with quality defensive technique; the cover, the blocks, the aggressive challenges, enhanced by the brusque distribution from deep – EXACTLY the way Rodgers claims he wants it, balls zipped into feet between lines. For the opening half hour as re-jigged Hoops got it together, it was a Rocky showcase, topped-off by a cracking headed opener right out of the Cesar playbook. We don’t need another centre-back. We have a multi-million dollar man right there, languishing in the shadows. Only trouble is, the boss is in denial.

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings continues on the next page…